


Crushable

by YourDrugsOnDrugs



Category: Crash Pad (2017), Logan Lucky (2017), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Car Chases, Domhnall Gleeson Doppelgängers are taking over, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gun Violence, Headcanon that Armitage can never have a good day in his life no matter the a.u, It doesn't make any sense, Love at First Sight, M/M, Okidoki, Our boys always manage to get into the worst situations, Partners in Crime, Poor Life Choices, Recreational Drug Use, Stupidity, kylux adjacent, lots of crossovers, mafia, worst roadtrip ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-19 12:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourDrugsOnDrugs/pseuds/YourDrugsOnDrugs
Summary: Stensland is having a hard time moving on from his last break up. He goes through all the break-up stages until he reaches one that has him escaping with a bag full of money that isn't his.





	1. It's all good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NovaCoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaCoon/gifts), [heyhux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyhux/gifts).



> Well, i don't know what to say. The amazing Daiskee (who get my back covered for corrections on my stuffs) told me about this Clydeland thing and I couldn't resist contributing to this madness. I just loved Crash Pad. Stensland is pure gem. I loved Logan Lucky too. So here's what happened in my brain. I hope you'll like it!

He took off in the morning, feeling great about himself. He knew that nothing bad could happen to him anymore. He had confidenceーenough to shake the world and rule as its new king.

Stensland was all smiles as he raised his thumb in the air. He was soaked with rain, but it didn’t matter. His backpack was light, and so was his heart. Billy Ocean was playing in his headphones while he attempted to summon a ride. 

At least, that’s how things were in the beginning. Now, he had been waiting for a good samaritan to pull up next to him for two hours. He tried really hard to remain positive: _That’s okay. Someone is gonna stop, eventually. I just have to be patient. I just have to believe._

He wasn’t always all sunshine and butterflies. He used to think of himself as a failure, a sad loser, a lonely soul. He was deeply scarred by disastrous relationships from the past. Like old gum, women would chew him up and spit him out. Then, he encountered the Grady Method for Self Love. He started to follow it by the book. First, he began growing a mustache, which was a really bad idea. Fortunately, he realized this soon enough and shaved it, moving on to Grady’s next lessons. He knew them all nearly by heart, and most of the time he believed in them. Everyday, facing the mirror, he would give himself those good-old motivational speeches before confronting the world. After a few months of training to love himself again, he decided to take on the challenge of the book’s last chapter:

_Test your newly acquired confidence! Go see the world! Hitchhike! Meet people! Seduce! Amaze!_

Of course, that looked easier on paper. Stensland’s phone’s battery was now empty so he couldn’t listen to Billy Ocean anymore and the rain had become a downpour. He gave up. He walked a long way to reach the nearest motel. Exhausted, depressed and dripping, he was having second thoughts about this whole "inspiring trip". So far, the only thing it inspired in him was a really bad novel plot about a heartbroken guy dumped by his girlfriend on his birthday. It was not mind blowing, but it could have been enough to make him want to blow his head off because it was exactly what happened to him only a few months ago.

He paid for a room and ran straight to it. As soon as he was inside, he burst into tears. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this right now. He had spent the last few months in a positive mindset, why was he giving up so suddenly? 

He made up his mind: _tomorrow, when the sun goes up, I will go home and forget everything that has happened. Maybe I’ll restart Grady’s Method from the beginning, but right now I have to stop weeping, take a shower, change clothes and get some sleep. Maybe I’ll smoke. Or drink. I saw the motel has a bar. What the heck, I’ll do both._

Get naked, shower, masturbate, move on.

***********************************************

It was not a busy night for Clyde Logan. Not at all. There were rarely any busy nights out here. One or two drunkards to serve per night max. That’s why he never said no to extra work. 

The job was simple, that’s what the boss said: A ginger guy is gonna show up. When he’s here, you hand him the bag, and that’s it. _How will I know it’s him?_ Clyde had asked. The boss paused for a moment, then asked him: Do you see very many people out there? _No_ , Clyde answered. How about gingers, Clyde? Do you see a lot of gingers in that shithole? _No._ Then you will know it’s him when he gets there.

So Clyde was staring at the void, waiting for the ginger guy to show up. Eventually, the door opened to one. Clyde stared at him as if he were an alien. _Well, that’s not what I expected._  
What he expected was a picture straight out of a mafia movie. _I dunno, a tough guy in a suit at least._

The man was thin, wearing a long sleeved shirt with stripes of the most random colors on it paired with shapeless jeans. He looked pretty cute in his own weird way. He asked for a drink. Clyde had a hard time focusing. The ginger’s expression changed as he looked uneasy from Clyde’s silent staring. After a while, Clyde answered:

-Sure.

Clyde had never done these kinds of transactions before. He had no idea how to proceed.  
_What do I do? Do I just give him the bag like that? Do I have to say something?_ There was only one other customer at a table far from the counter, drinking alone, and Clyde doubted he was even among them considering how wasted he was. _He won’t be a problem._

\- Did you come for… something special?

That was pretty clumsy. The ginger looked even more puzzled.

\- Huuum… well… you mean, besides the drink?

Clyde nodded.

\- Well, you could say that, the ginger answered with a slight laugh.

\- Are you looking for someone, too?

The ginger’s eyes lit up and he blushed. Clyde did not notice the blush and thought the light in his eyes was a signal indicating that he was the one.

\- I was waiting for you.

Clyde served his drink, then disappeared to the back of the bar.

***********************************************

Stensland’s heart was racing. _Wow. I did not expect the barman to hit on me. It was the first time someone had ever done so. Plus, it was a guy. Though, that wasn’t important: feeling wanted is always pleasant,_ he thought, especially after all he’s been through. He had to admit that he liked the heated feeling in his chest. Moreover, he felt pretty lucky to be to the liking of such a handsome guy. _I mean, with complete neutrality, he is tall, mysterious and handsome. A dream guy._

 _I was waiting for you._ These words were running through Stensland’s head, repeatedly. _They sound like lines from a cheesy movie._

_Why did he leave so quickly? I didn't even get a chance to answer. Anyways, how could I answer? We just met. Literally! We barely even had a conversation and I fall for that! What am I? A Disney princess?_

Prince Charming came back with a bag. He put the bag on the chair next to Stensland’s.

Stensland looked at the bag, then the barman. He gave no explanation and did not resume talking to him. Instead, he began cleaning glasses. Stensland started to understand there had been a huge misunderstanding. With hesitant hands, he opened up the bag and almost had a heart attack at what he saw.

_This… this is… money… a lot of…_

Stensland’s mouth was now forming a silent and shocked “Oh!”. So, that’s it? The barman mistook him for someone else? For a moment, Stensland considered telling the barman that he was not supposed to receive any bag full of cash, but…

Well, he was feeling pretty embarrassed. After all, he had begun celebrating their wedding in his head only a few seconds before, and now he knew that this was all just a stupid mix-up. Plus, this was… a LOT of money. This was exciting. There was no way Stensland could say no to such a thrilling new adventure. He drank his full glass at once, then sighed with a slight smile and said:

-Well! Thank you for the drink, and… my bag! Here you go! (He put three 20 dollars bills on the counter, as he was now feeling immensely rich.) Keep the change! Buh-bye!

He left the bar in a rush. Clyde was not even surprised.

***********************************************

Clyde was getting ready to close the bar. He was cleaning up the counter when the door opened. Without a glance for the newcomer, he said:

"We’re closed.”

\- I did not come for a drink.

-Okay. But we’re closed.

-Listen to me, Genius. I have had a terrible day, so yes, I am late, who cares? The bag now, please.

 

Clyde frowned and looked up. What now? He swore this man was the very same ginger he had served a few hours ago, except now he wore a mafia-worty suit with his hair combed back and the face of Grumpy cat.

-Dude, I already gave you the bag.

-I beg your pardon?

-You were there, you took a pint, I gave you the bag, you left.

\- I did NOT! Are you telling me you gave the bag to someone else?

-Yeah.

The man was infuriated. He started to cuss.

-Well, he looked exactly like you, Clyde said in his defense, 'have a twin or somethin’ ?

-What do you mean? Are you implying he was a ginger, too?

Clyde nodded. He stared at the man, who was now typing on his phone.

-So, its your twin?

-Shut-up! I don't have a twin! Not all gingers look the same! Did he give you any name?

\- Nope. (Clyde went to the door and asked the receptionist who was smoking outside, probably listening to their whole conversation.) Earl! What was that ginger guy's name ?

\- Err.. Cleveland...Priceland... No, Stensland! It was Stensland!

The other ginger made a very angry phone call. Earl looked sorry for Clyde, and Clyde was still stunned by the gingers' likeness. _It's so trippy._ After a quick check, they found out Stensland had left his room already, with shampoo and shower gel samples, a towel and the bag full of money. That was predictable.

It was now five in the morning and the issue had yet to be settled. The second ginger was still pissed after getting off the phone with his boss. He told him in a dry tone:

-Since you are the one who made this mess, clean it up now! What did his car look like?

-He didn’t have a car, actually, Earl said.

-What do you mean? He came and left by foot in the middle of the night?

-Yup.

-That’s utterly ridiculous, The ginger snapped, Well at least it won’t be a problem catching him, even with your obvious lack of intelligence.

Clyde was offended. He still asked:

-So, I’m supposed to chase him down?

-Absolutely. And I would suggest that you get to it NOW. Actually, I am coming with you.

-Can I finish cleaning up the bar, or…

The cross look the ginger gave him was an implied No. Clyde threw the bar keys at Earl.

\- Finish my work and drink something. It’s on me.

His coworker’s face shined like a kid’s on Christmas morning as Clyde left with the bossy ginger.

***********************************************

Stensland was a blissful idiot. He successfully ran away with a bag full of money, and he even caught a ride on his way. God bless America! 

The guy who offered him a ride was pretty kind, too. They had a nice chat on the road. Stensland was now feeling so good he couldn’t believe that he had been crying a few hours ago. 

_How will I spend all this money? Amazon. I’m going to buy the weirdest things! I can afford to throw my money now. I could stop working, find a palace, be the king of the hill! I would have the sweetest babes around me, everything would be all good!_

It was hysterical. _All because of that barman. I’ll send him a Thank You note once I’m all settled. I’ll write it in my pool, or in my jacuzzi._

The sun was now up. Stensland’s new road companion wanted to take a break, as he had driven the whole night.

-Alright! Stensland said, I’m going to go to the bathroom, and then buy a snack. You want something?

-I’m okay! I’m just gonna take a nap.

-Alrighty then! 

Stensland left the car and went to the bathroom of the rest area they stopped at.

 _All this calls for celebration!_ Stensland thought with a bright smile on his face. And celebrate, he did: he smoked what remained of his stock. He didn’t mind. _I’m so rich now I could smoke twice as much everyday! What a life it will be._

As he was daydreaming about this future life, he was startled by a hand reaching inside his cabin. 

-Oh shit! It’s occupied! he screamed desperately.

But the hand had already grabbed his bag. The hand’s owner was now running with the bag. The bag full of money. 

 

Stensland screamed some more:

-No! Wait! It’s my bag! Don’t take my bag! Wait! Please! 

He left in a hurry, leaving his bong behind. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t A BAG FULL OF MONEY. Stensland was running like he never did before. _Where is this brat? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening._

He saw a car leaving. He ran after it.

His dream life was fading. His not-future wife was waving goodbye. 

He ran across the parking area in an attempt to follow the car. The guy in the passenger seat gave him the finger. Stensland stopped. They were too far from him, they were too fast. He was out of breath and desperate again. Another car passed by, then stopped in the middle of the road. What now?

***********************************************  
Clyde was sick of the ginger complaining to him. He was sick of his contempt, of his bad manners, he was sick of the road and he was sick of this whole stupid chase. And then, he saw him. He stopped the car so suddenly his passenger hit his head with the most satisfactory “bang”. 

-What the HELL?

-It’s him. It’s Stensland.

Clyde was leaving the car now. Stensland looked beat, but quickly his face showed absolute horror and he began running the opposite direction. He had recognized him. Clyde chased him down and quickly grounded him. The bossy Stensland clone followed.

-Please, please! I don’t have it! I don’t have it!

-What do you MEAN you don’t have it? The bossy clone barked.

-They stole from me!

-Who is they?

-The guys… the car… I…

-God! Take him with us. 

-I told you he looked like you. Look, Clyde said while he was holding a struggling Stensland with some difficulty as he could only count on his valid arm.

-We don’t have TIME for this now, Logan! Where did the car go?

-This...this way!

Following the second ginger’s orders, Clyde threw Stensland in the car’s trunk. Before closing it, he said:

-Nothing personal, dude.


	2. Should I stay or Should I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring:  
> -Me spending an hour on Google, looking at cars' glove boxes and trunks  
> Btw if you want a better picture of how Stensland fit in that car : http://www.camaro5.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=5877&stc=1&d=1216745275

Everything was pitch black in the car’s trunk. The only thing Stensland was able to say about the road was that it was pretty bumpy now. The darkness was not the only inconvenience: he was uncomfortably huddled up on himself. It reminded Stensland of a childhood memory. When he was ten, playing hide and seek with his cousin, he hid in his grandpa's car trunk. After a few hours of searching, no one could find him. Stensland was pretty proud of not being easily found that day. Now, he would give the world to have someone find him, because despite appearances, Stensland was not ten anymore and he couldn’t fit in such a tiny place without it hurting. Plus, this was no game. It wasn’t his old grandpa’s cheap car, but a bad guy’s expensive one.

He was ugly sobbing. He has had too much contradictory feelings in the last twenty four hours. _I just want to go home. I'm scared. These guys don’t mess around. What the Hell are they going to do to me?_

***********************************************  
They attempted to chase down the vehicle until they lost sight of it. The angry ginger in the passenger seat had his face all tensed. Clyde was driving but he didn’t know where he was even going anymore. Eventually, the ginger told him a direction that he followed. 

-So is this like your plan B or somethin'?  
-More like plan G, to be honest, the ginger answered in a cross tone.

They drove until they reached an abandoned house deeper into the countryside. They parked here and Clyde went to remove a very distressed Stensland from the car's trunk.

-Don’t kill me, please! I didn’t know there was money in your bag!  
-And how come you know now? the Ginger retorted.  
Stensland had no idea how to answer, but it didn’t matter. At the bag’s owner command, Clyde was shoving him inside the house.  
Stensland ended up cuffed to a chair in the middle of a near-empty room, the only furniture being the chair he sat on and another. Stensland had watched enough TV to know where this was going. His whole body was shaking. He looked like a frightened child. The sight of it was making Clyde feel sad. He thought that it was unfair, somehow, that Stensland was not a bad guy or a criminal. He was just dumb enough to steal a bag obviously filled with dirty money. _He’s no gangster, he’s no more than a scared kitty. Crushable in so many ways._  
While the mean ginger was away, Clyde awkwardly stroked Stensland’s hair in a comforting way. Stensland tensed up, then relaxed after a second. His face now showed something like hope.

-Please, he told Clyde in a begging tone, You have to help me. They will cut me into little dice if you don’t!  
-They won’t, Clyde said.  
Clyde stepped back quickly when the ginger returned. He was yelling on the phone again.

\- Ugh! I don't know, Ren, figure this out on your own! You're a grown up! You know where to find me when you’ve finished!  
He hung up. He gave Stensland a nasty smile. _Dude's even more frightening when he smiles,_ Clyde thought. _What is he up to now anyways?_

-My colleague is currently looking for the car that left with the bag, if you want to know. When he is done with that, he will join our little party. You have until his arrival to come up with a way to refund me.

-But I... I don't know! I really don’t ! I am so sorry, but that was a lot of money, and-  
He slapped Stensland to make him shut up. It worked. He then said:  
-I KNOW there was a lot of money. That is precisely why it is SO important.  
-I-I can’t do anything for you, I’m sorry, I’m SO sorry! They left with that bag, and I don’t have a lot of money right now so it will take me ages to fill up a bag, and-  
-Oh, I’m so sorry, the Ginger said with a mockingly empathic tone, I had no idea you were so miserable! I guess that’s settled then, I’ll leave you be! Everything is forgiven, everything is forgotten! I’ll just have to tell my boss that you are sorry! He’s a very understanding guy, after all! 

He slapped him once more and switched to his usual cold voice:  
-If my coworker can't get his hands on the bag you stole, I swear we will enslave you. So you better pray that we get it back before I lose my patience.

Clyde frowned. _Okay, that is definitely wrong, and not only because the poor Stensland looks like he is about to shit himself. I can't stand there and watch these guys destroy his life just for some stupid money, can I? It ain't like the mafia is running low on money. So what if they lost some? They're probably gonna get twice what they lost by the end of the week._  
While Clyde settled deep in his thoughts, the conversation between the two gingers went on. There were more threats thrown from one side and begging from the other. It ended with Stensland’s chair being kicked, falling to the ground with him on it. Blood was streaming across Stensland's face from the impact when his eyes met Clyde's. He looked miserable―like a martyr. _He does not belong in this harsh crime world, he has an angel's face. He should be married to a sweet girl, expecting a cute baby and owning two fluffy kittens instead of the life this mafia boy promised him._  
Clyde made up his mind then. Knocking down the abusive ginger was an easy task for him as he was too caught up in bullying Stensland to notice Clyde’s move in on him. He took him down with a strong blow to the head with the second chair. In one of the stunned man’s pant pocket he found a set of keys. He found one to free Stensland from his handcuffs and helped him up. Stensland was definitely confused at the new turn of events. 

\- Can you stand? Clyde asked him. 

Stensland nodded quickly. His body was shaking.

-Let's go.  
Stensland hurriedly gathered his backpack and followed him.

***********************************************

Stensland was back in that car, except now he was not in the trunk. He was in the passenger's seat and Clyde was driving really fast. Rifling in the glove box, Stensland found a wallet. His interest was piqued and he checked inside. It contained cash (lots!) and an ID card. Stensland giggled. Clyde threw a brief glance over to him, wondering what was so funny.  
-His name is Armitage!  
-Your name is Stensland, Clyde reminded him.  
Stensland pouted a bit. Now he felt silly for even bringing it up. The silence was too heavy for him, so he kept his mind busy by resuming exploring the contents of the glove box. Stensland found a gun. He definitely had goosebumps now, taking it in his hands. It was heavier than what he imagined. He began pretending to aim just for fun. He felt like a Big Deal. Well, maybe he was after all. In the past twenty four hours, lots of shit had happened he had never thought he would ever experience. Clyde turned to him again.

 

-Uh, you know how to handle a gun, right?  
Stensland sighed. Why did people always assume he had no idea of what he was doing? Why did people always think of him as a big baby? He answered with overconfidence:  
\- Well, it’s simple! A child could-  
He was interrupted by the sound of the gun’s silencer going off as he accidentally fired. Both men jumped at the sound and Clyde lost control of their vehicle for a time, which caused Stensland to scream his lungs out. Clyde quickly took action to restore their initial position on the road. Now that the situation was under control and they were no longer at risk of getting into an accident, Clyde squared his jaw and ordered Stensland in the nicest way possible:  
-Put that gun down, please.  
Clyde didn’t need to ask twice. Stensland quickly put the gun back in the glove box.  
-I’m so, so sorry, I-  
As he was apologizing once again--something he had done far too much in the time Clyde has known him, Stensland saw IT. His face instantly got two shades lighter as he realized what he had done. He had accidentally shot Clyde’s left arm. Clyde had certainly noticed the bullet hole in his prosthetic, which explained why he looked so dreadfully pissed.  
_Damn it. He saves my life and I repay him by shooting his fake arm. Good job, Stensland._  
There was another awkward silence until Stensland had what he considered a bright idea. He fumbled in his backpack until he found them―a colorful box of band aids. Favoring a light blue one with a pattern of ducks and hearts on it, he peeled away the film and proceeded to cover the bullet hole with it. Clyde took a look at it, remaining silent for a while. Then out of the blue, he giggled.  
That was a relief for Stensland.  
***********************************************  
Armitage woke up to what sounded like thunder. He promptly got back on his feet, perhaps a little too quickly. He found that he had a terrible headache, and he knew who to blame for that.  
-Damn you, Clyde Logan…!  
The thunderous sound stopped. Soon, a man entered, wearing a stylized black and silver motorcycle helmet.  
-You certainly took your time, Ren, Hux growled, They’re gone!  
-For fuck’s sake, Hux! I was chasing the idiots who stole the money YOU were dumb enough to let them have! At least show some appreciation!  
-Well, did you catch them?  
-I didn’t, Ren admitted, But that’s not the point!  
-Why would I show you appreciation then! Oh god, let’s just skip that! Did you tell ANYONE?  
-Of course not.  
-At least there is something you did well. We must go now! These assholes took my car!  
-Wait… Come again? Are you telling me that...they took your Camaro?  
Ren sounded like he found it amusing. He knew Hux cared about his car way too much. It was on the verge of an obsession, really. A real clean-freak. He never even let them make out inside of it. Picturing his precious baby stolen by two idiotic amateurs... But he quickly changed his opinion when he saw Hux's face. He looked like he was about to spit on his face, burn him alive and cry in shame at the same time.  
-Come on babe, chill. We’re gonna catch them.  
-Don’t you ‘Babe’ me you freaking moron! Let’s GO!  
For once, Hux didn’t complain about getting behind Ren on his motorcycle. He ‘hated those machines’ as they always ‘ruined his hair.’ Ren always rode ‘too fast and careless.’ Now, though, desperate times called for desperate measures.


	3. Wild and Wonderful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once, the chapter's title is not a song I was listening to during my writing process. But this chapter is filled with song references, so eventually you'll still get a song stuck in your head anyways. All the songs mentionned are linked in the text!   
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter, feel free to tell me your thoughts! :)

 

What do you do when you’re at a loss about something? Most likely, you Google it. Stensland was new to the concept of road trips with silent, good-looking bartenders and felt quite intimidated. While his phone was charging in the cigarette lighter, he did his research. Not even WikiHow could help him with thisspecific situation. He did read an article mentioning listening to music to fill awkward space. _That could lighten up the mood,_  he thought. So out of absolute politeness, he asked Clyde what he wanted to listen to. Unfortunately for him, Clyde had some ideas.

 

Bob Seger was not exactly Stensland’s jam.  When the hour-long Best Hits video finally ended, Stensland let out a relieved sigh and immediately seized his phone to choose what to listen to next. Something reaaally groovy. He started off with the classic [“Get outta my dreams, get into my car”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBTRePafhhE), mouthing the lyrics, impersonating the different voices and moving his body on his car seat quite randomly, in a way that would most definitely shame and hurt any professional dancer. Clyde was not that harsh. He looked over atStensland. 

 

At first, he appeared to care less about Stensland’s behavior, but then Clyde found his eyes wandering back to the fidgeting man in the passenger seat. He was hooked. It started off with a simple smile from Clyde as **S** tensland’s good vibes proved contagious. When the song approached its end, both men were mouthing the lyrics. Of course, Stensland was more into it because he actually knew the song better and he was not the one driving.

 

[“Loverboy” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVhE1j6vvSs)followed. Stensland kept his enthusiasm and Clyde settled for moving his head softly to the rhythm. [“Tainted Love”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZVpR3Pk-r8) was the last song Stensland chose. He had fun on this one as well, but he had lost Clyde’s attention by now as he became more focused on the road. Stensland tried poking him but received no reaction. At that point he left the song selection to Youtube's auto-shuffle. That’s when [“Smalltown Boy”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xuz94ZIPfJk) by Bronski Beat came up. Stensland looked out thewindow as his mind focused on the lyrics.

 

_ “You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case _ _   
_ _ Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face” _

 

Despite the catchy beat, this was beginning to get depressing. It hit Stensland hard. 

 

“The answers you seek will never be found at home   
The love that you need will never be found at home   
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away”

 

Stensland was biting his lips. He was rethinking his journey so far. He left one day with no plan. He just wanted to meet somebody. Now, he had. But was it really what he was looking for?

 

“Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy   
You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down”

 

It was true. He was always the laughing stock. The one people picked on. The fact he was a sensitive boy didn’t help. He was never part of anything exciting. Always left behind. Never taken seriously. Never cared for. 

 

Was this what he needed in his life? To run away with Clyde Logan? Did he need someone with such bold confidence? Did he need someone to see something worth saving in him? Probably. But Clyde Logan didn’t need him. And eventually, soon, he would leave like all others had before. He didn’t know him well, but Stensland had a tendency to get attached to people right before they let him go.   _Well, this man saved my life_ ** _―_** _that’s a pretty solid_ _reason_ _to get attached… right?_

 

Stensland had no idea what to say or do in this moment. The music continued to play, filling the air between them, but he wanted more. Clyde was not that talkative either. He just answered when spoken to. Stensland, who had a tendency to freak out pretty easily, wondered if Clyde found him boring, childish, ridiculous. People usually did. He did not dare ask if he wanted to listen to another song, so he remained in the unspoken silence. It left him time to rethink their situation.  
  
 _I am on a roadtrip with a total stranger, and we are probably being chased by the mafia. If they catch us, I’ll probably be sold as a slave, or put on the street to repay my debt._  
  
Clyde somehow felt that Stensland was not feeling well, once again. He could understand. Their current situation may look scary to some people. At least he guessed, since he wasn’t scared at all. He has had to start over twice in his life. For three whole years, he even lived under a fake name while things cooled down. His family tended to get into shit situations every once in a while. Clyde blamed it on the Logan curse. The real problem was the conception of legality and justice within the Logan family. It was mostly based on feelings―their logic being ‘this made me feel bad so I will act against it.’

  
The thing was: Stensland was irresistible. To Clyde, at least. He looked like the kind of guy to bruise easily. Most people would find his whining annoying, but Clyde Logan was not most people. He had a good heart, and this weeping ginger at his side was making it melt.

 

To the sound of [“Blue Monday”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYH8DsU2WCk) by New Order, Clyde slowly began applying more pressure to the accelerator pedal. The car was going faster, Stensland noticed it,  and gave Clyde a puzzled look.

 

-Clyde?

 

The driver gave him no answer, nor did he stop speeding up **.** Stensland shook his companion’s shoulder, calling him again. That was pointless.

 

-When I was thirteen, Clyde said instead, my sister gave me a ride. I was not pleased with something she said about me, so I was pouting. She could not get a single smile out of me, no matter how hard she tried. I was ignoring her. So… she started going really, really fast. Scary fast. Until I stopped pouting.

-I’m not pouting!

-Yes you are.

-Okay, I got your point! Get a little slower, please!

 

Stensland gave a distressed look at the speedometer. That car could go reaaaally fast, and Clyde would go reaaaally far to get a reaction from Stensland. 

 

-Clyde, I got it! Please, slow down! 

-Y’know, when my sister did it to me, I thought it was fucked up and stupid as well. Now, I understand how she felt.

 

Clyde was grinning. Stensland’s hands grabbed the seat. He was now shrieking in his most squeaky voice.

 

-Please Clyde, I’m serious, I’m not feeling well, I got it, It’s all good, Slow down, Please, Clyde, Oh my god, watch out! CLYYYYYYDE!  
  
The car’s engine was so noisy that Stensland did not catch Clyde’s slight laughter. Slowly, though, he released his pressure on the accelerator. Stensland hit him in the arm.

 

-THAT-WAS-NOT-FUN!!

 

Stensland’s cute accent was thick in his unfiltered shock. Once they returned to a safer speed, Stensland realized that it had been, in fact, kind of fun. Clyde had been playful. He slapped his arm again.

 

-You asshole! 

 

**********************************************

 

Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux had no idea where to start their crazy chase other than the place where it all started. Armitage remembered the other man at the bar, the one Logan gave his keys to. _Surely, he will be able to give us_ _information on Logan’s whereabouts._

 

As expected, they met Earl at the bar. When the man saw Armitage Hux and the masked man without Clyde around, he knew things weren’t good. He decided that the cat got his tongue. 

 

He refused to speak when Armitage asked questions calmly. He refused to speak when Armitage raised his voice. He even refused to speak when Kylo Ren drew a sword and pressed it against his cheeks. Deep down, Earl was sure that the sword was a phony―who carried one around like that anyway? He was not given a chance to be proven wrong, however. To Earl’s luck (if you can call it that) **,** Kylo Ren was satisfied enough to just beat him to the ground with his fists. 

 

Armitage found Clyde’s keys hanging behind the bar. He observed them and sniggered, showing Kylo a key ring shaped like a bottle can opener. On it, a printed bear with the inscription “Wild and Wonderful,” and right under it: “West Virginia.”

 

-He did have an unbearable accent, Hux recalled, Ren, We have a direction now.

 

Hux made sure to empty the bar’s cash register before leaving - _merely repaying myself here_ , he thought. Kylo followed him outside, stopping him suddenly as he snaked his arms around Hux’s hips.

 

-We’re leaving, already?

-Well, we do have some bastards to catch.  

-West Virginia is a pretty vague hint. We’re not sure they are even headed there. I mean, that would be kind of dumb. If it were us, we would have left the country by now.

 

Armitage wrinkled his eyes, suspicious at Ren’s sudden change of attitude, and  turned to face him. He was sure he had something on his mind; otherwise he would have just shut up and moved forward with the job already. Ren loved to hunt people, make them shit their pants, kill them if needed. Armitage’s plan for his boyfriend promised all that fun. What more could he possibly want?

 

-What’s going on, Ren?

-Well, Ren started to preen, trying his best to look adorable, I haven’t seen you since the Paris case. Y’know. There are rooms here...

-You CANNOT be serious.

-I’ve missed you.

-Ugh!

 

Armitage pushed him, walking quickly to Ren’s motorcycle. This frustrated Kylo more than he let on, but he grumbled and followed reluctantly. It’s not like Hux’s reactions were new to him. He has always been this way. 

 

He started as that co-worker Kylo hated. The more time he spent with Hux, the more he became this hot-mess that he wanted to hate fuck. Then, it happened one time. And another. And another. Once a week. Once a day. Kylo started leaving clothes at Armitage's place… It was never formalized, they never said it to one another, but they eventually became more than a hook-up. 

 

Before the blooming of their affection, when he just had to accompany Hux on tasks, he always made sure that people weren’t imagining things when he mentioned him as “his partner.” Now, he did not bother: Hux was his partner in every possible way. Hux was his. But the ginger never changed towards him like he did. Whether Ren was executing his orders or spooning him in his bed, he remained a cold bitch. 

Of course Ren appreciated that Hux wasn’t clingy, but sometimes Hux’s detachment felt too heavy. He wished that, at least one time, the ginger would make a big gesture. Something to prove that he was in love like Kylo was. Hopelessly, Kylo Ren’s heart belonged to Armitage Hux. He would do anything for him, even if it was too embarrassing to admit out loud, in front of his lover. 

 

So when Armitage Hux told him to “take us to fucking West Virginia on your damned motorcycle”, that’s exactly what Kylo Ren did.

  
  


***********************************************

 

Stensland woke from a two hour nap. They were still on countryside roads, Stensland could tell as much from the landscape. Lazily curled up on his seat, he asked Clyde:

 

-Are we there yet?

-No.

 

Stensland yawned, then sighed. He hadn’t even thought to ask where they were heading until now, as it hit him.

 

-By the way, where are you taking me?

 

-To my brother’s. He’ll know what to do.

 

It was not obvious considering the confidence in his voice, but Clyde had made this decision an hour ago while Stensland was asleep. Before that, he had been driving around aimlessly. He has never been great at figuring out a plan during messy situations like the one they were currently in. Usually, his brother and sister were there behind him with advice.He could not let the very anxious Stensland know that the situation was not under his absolute control, however, so he acted like he knew what he was doing when, really: he had no clue.

 

-Oh, Stensland answered, Okay. And where would that be?

-West Virginia.

-Is that where you’re from?

-Yup. Born and raised. 

 

Stensland nodded. Afraid the silence might take over once more, he suggested:

 

-Hey, do you want to do something fun?

-No.

-...What?

-Everytime my siblings ask me that question, I end up in troubles.

-Oh, no! No **t** that kind of fun! I meant like...play  a game or something.

 

Clyde still didn’t look like he trusted him, but Stensland continued anyways:

 

-Right. Let’s play Would You Rather!

 

Stensland quickly found a website that generated questions. So he started:

 

-Would you rather live in a treehouse or live in a floating boat?

 

Clyde looked like he was giving the question too much thought. After one full minute of what looked like intense reflection, Stensland snapped:

 

-Jeezus, Clyde. It’s for fun, It’s not like I was seriously asking it! Just answer with anything.

 

Clyde looked embarrassed. He admitted:

 

-I thought you were asking me how I planned to start my new life, because of the mess we are currently in. 

 

Armitage’s angry face burst into Stensland’s mind, filling him with anxiety.  He had almost forgotten, and this reality after his nap left him so comfortable. Clyde looked cool about this. _How can he be so chill? We probably are_ _being_ _tracked by a whole gang right now._   Stensland was mesmerized.

 

-I’d say Treehouse.

 

Hearing Clyde’s answer, Stensland forced himself to cool down by looking back at the Would You Rather website: 

 

\- Right. Errr… Would you rather… fight a shark with bear arms or fight a bear with shark arms?

 

Clyde frowned, very confused.

 

-Do sharks have arms?  
-Well, I guess they are referring to their fins? I don’t know.  
-How could anyone fight with that shit? There’s a reason they have sharp teeth. Bear arms, all the way.   
-But you would be at a disadvantage underwater.  
-The question did not specify if the fight was underwater or not.  
-Good point.. Would you rather eat only buffalo wings for the rest of your life or drink only buffalo sauce for the rest of your life?  
-Buffalo wings.   
-How could you pick the other way around, Stensland agreed with a disgusted face, Would you rather lose your mind or lose your significant other?  
-My significant other being?  
-Well… Uh… Your girlfriend, I guess. Or boyfriend.  
-I don’t have none of ‘em.  
-Oh. Well, a family member, then. Or your dear Hit-and-Run friend Stensland.  
  
That was a tricky one. Clyde sighed.  
  
-Well, losing someone is the worst. I guess I would pick the first one.  
-I think I would, too. Never felt like I made much sense to begin with anyways, Stensland added.  
  
Unfortunately, they got through all the website’s questions, quickly. _Okay, that was pretty fun,_  Stensland thought, a big smile spread across his face. Clyde noticed it in the car’s mirror and said:

 

-You know, that sure could be creepy for an outsider. You still have blood on your face and you’re all smiley.

 

Stensland laughed heartily.

 

-Especially in this car, you know. Rich people always have issues! Always! 

  
Two days ago, they did not even know each other and now they were joking like old friend would. Stensland was feeling warm all over. He could not remember the last time he had so much fun. Which was kind of fucked up, considering his life was  currently beingthreatened by gangsters.


	4. Anything that's worth anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. SO SORRY FOR DISAPEARING FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS GUYS. If some of you are reading my kylux fic, you already know that i've had a lot to deal with these two last months. I'd like for the following chapters to take less time to write. I'll do my best ! But i'm going to be reaaally busy too, so please don't hate me if I don't update as fast as i used to.  
> Also I'd like to thank my dear Daiskee and NovaCoon for their Amazing support. You are the reason i started this thing and you keep inspiring me with our silly chats. You are my darlings. Thank you so much.  
> And thank you to all the silent kudo-givers, and also the people leaving comments. I always love Reading your thoughts. Please let me know what you think !

Bacon, eggs, and a good old conspiracy theory. What a perfect way to start the day!  
Clyde was staring into a beautiful pair of green orbs: Stensland’s eyes. While the ginger’s mouth was running in an uninterrupted flow of words, Clyde was trying to focus. By the way he was talking, he could tell that Stensland took the topic very seriously. Clyde figured anything that got so much attention from Stensland must be listened to with the highest regard. Therefore, Clyde’s brain was trying to process all the information Stensland gave him regarding Michael Jackson still being alive, and how the whole death-thing was only an elaborate, meta promotion for a future album. 

-When you really think about it, it all makes sense! I’ll send you some youtube videos on Facebook.  
-I don’t have, err, the Facebook, Clyde said awkwardly  
-Really? But… How are we going to keep in touch, after this is all over?

Stensland’s eyes were filled with helplessness. Clyde wanted to make it stop, to make all sadness leave his new friend’s face. There could be nothing worse than a sad Stensland. He stuttered:

-Well, uh… I mean… Now, you’re not going anywhere, are you?

Stensland seemed caught by those words. They had never clearly discussed how things would roll for them in the aftermath of all this. They needed to figure out a way out of their current troubles, but then? 

-Well, I… guess. I mean… We are meeting with your brother, right?  
-Right.  
-And… then?  
-Well, I mean... Until we find a solution... I mean, even after, you probably won't be safe so you can... Stick around for a while.  
-Really? Wouldn't that bother you? I mean... You already risked so much to rescue me.  
-Yeah well, y'know. Might as well.

Stensland cracked a smile.

-Thank you so much, Clyde. You are an amazing person and you deserve the best. You will not be forgotten. There you go, have more bacon!

Having said that, Stensland put an extra slice of bacon on Clyde's plate. Clyde chuckled.

-I'm honored. Beats any kind of decoration. Too bad I can't keep it.

While Clyde was eating his well-deserved bacon, his last sentence had Stensland wondering. He stared at his friend's prosthesis--still sporting the ducky band aid. 

-Did you, err... How did you lose your...?  
-Iraq.  
-...Okidoki.

Stensland instantly regretted his answer. He did not want to sound like an insensitive prick. But what the hell is one to say in such a situation? Still, “Okidoki” surely wasn’t the best option he had. But Stensland always felt uncomfortable with pain and loss, and he never knew how to lighten up the mood. Plus, Clyde was a secretive guy―something Stensland struggled to understand as someone who was always very emotional and demonstrative. He internally panicked at how to continue. Oh, well. In America, do what Americans do. He started stuttering:

-I-I mean I'm so sorry for your, err... I'm sorry. Thanks foooor your service...? 

Clyde was clearly trying to contain his laugh. Stensland had no idea if that was good news or not. Why do I keep being offensive about my lifesaver's lost arm, Stensland internally whined.

-You finished your drink, Stensland noted, You want more beer? I'll get you more beer!

Without giving Clyde a chance to answer, Stensland snatched Clyde's pint glass and ran to the counter.

-Lady, please! Fill up that pint for my good friend Clyde!  
-A'ight, the old lady mumbled.

The waitress was obviously too busy gossiping with another old lady to quickly fulfill Stensland’s demand. Looking around to distract himself, he opened his eyes wide in disbelief. Casually sitting at the counter was Grady. THE Grady, from the Grady Method for Self Love! Without thinking further, Stensland practically assaulted him.

-You’re Grady, right? From the Method?

The mustached man gave him a proud smile, nodding.

-I am.  
-I’m such a huuuge fan of it! That’s so inspiring! 

Clyde was on his own at their table and he had finished eating. He thought of past and future events. Their situation was complicated, even to Logan family standards. But his brother would figure out a plan, he was sure of that. He always had a plan. When he saw his brother enter the diner, the tension Clyde had been storing up suddenly left his shoulders. Jimmy sat at his table.

-How are you?  
-I’m good.  
-It’s been a while, though. What’s goin’ on?  
-Uh… I have problems, yeah.  
-Clyde, tell me. Is it, like… Cauliflower big?  
-Uhm….  
-Alright, Clyde. What’s going on?

Clyde leaned a bit, talking in a low voice.

-So I’ve got, uh...My friend over there. We are, err…

Clyde was looking for a good way to phrase this mess of a situation, but he reminded himself that no matter the words he chose, the hard facts were still right there in the form of an angry ginger nipping at their heels. So he just said freely what came to his head:

-My friend and I over there are being chased by some mafia dude.  
-The fuck?  
-Well, let’s say... we lost his money, or something.  
-Okay. Do I know this friend?  
-No.  
-What’s his name?  
-Stensland?  
-It doesn’t sound like a real name to me. Where did you meet this guy?  
-Well, it’s...it’s complicated.  
-I can see that. Clyde.  
-Wha’ ?  
-What’s really going on? How did you meet him?  
-What’s your deal, Jimmy?  
-I’m afraid your friend is using you.  
-No, no, don’t worry about that, Clyde laughed  
-I’m serious, Clyde. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone had taken advantage of you. You just trust people too easily.  
-I swear, it’s not like that.  
-Maybe it’s time we have that conversation again.

Clyde shook his head, answering straight away:

-No. No need to.  
-Clyde.  
-No.  
-Even Mellie has noticed it. You gotta know it’s alright with us, you don’t have to hide it from us.  
-It’s not like that.  
-No, listen. You don’t need to live a secret life. Find yourself a… a nice boyfriend. Introduce him to us, that’s fine.  
-I’m not… I’m not what you think.  
-If people are mean to you, y’know. You got our support, still. You know that, right? You got us. You don’t have to hang out with troublesome people.

Clyde scoffed. This was too much, coming from Jimmy.

-You’re troublesome too, when you think ‘bout it.  
-I haven’t been in that business for like three years! Don’t be like that.  
-Stensland is okay. He’s…

“Nice, cute and soft” were coming to Clyde’s head, but he did not want his brother to twist these words and bring back the previous topic. Clyde did not want to think about all that gay stuff. 

-He’s...okay.

Bursting into the diner at the perfect moment, a familiar ginger figure angrily thundered Stensland’s name.

Clyde turned to see Armitage Hux followed by a masked figure, and then Stensland who had just taken a selfie with a mustached man, now looking absolutely terrified. 

Armitage Hux and his hound chased a fleeing Stensland around the diner. Clyde rushed after them, and his brother followed. Everything quickly dissolved into chaos: the masked man had unsheathed a sword, Armitage Hux had fired his gun twice already, the diner’s clients were screaming, and the waitress was barking out threats with her shotgun held tight. Soon, Stensland was trapped by the blackclad figure, finding himself pressed against a wall with a blade against his throat. He was also held at gunpoint by a sneering Armitage Hux, who was in-turn corned by the waitress lady with the shotgun who yelled:

-Y’ALL BETTER CALM THE FUCK DOWN!  
-Oh shut up, will you? Armitage snapped, We have serious issues to clear, and I couldn't care less about your opinion right now!  
-Woah, woah, woah―everyone keep their cool, Grady said carefully as he slowly stood up, rising his hands.

Armitage pointed his gun at Grady’s face in response:

-Don’t you DARE intervene! NOBODY is allowed to talk, except me!  
-What the FUCK is this! This is not Comic-con! Who carries a FUCKIN’ sword around these days? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! THIS IS A FUCKIN’ FAMILY RESTAURANT, the diner lady barked.

Armitage Hux shot at the ceiling, and the room fell into stunned silence. With order restored, both gingers were now staring into each other’s eyes. As if he didn’t get the hint that they were currently in the presence of a maniac with a gun, Jimmy asked Clyde loud enough for Armitage to hear:

-So what, this is your boyfriend’s evil twin? 

 

He received an immediate reply from both Clyde and Armitage in perfect sync:

-He’s not my twin!  
-He’s not my boyfriend!

Stensland made a face, mumbling:

-Jeezus. Didn’t know it was THAT embarrassing to be related to me…

Grady was still trying to make sense of this situation:

-Okay, so what’s the story here? 

But before either involved party could speak, three more intruders rushed into the diner, holding machine guns.

-ARMITAGE HUX!  
-What now?!, Armitage sighed, rolling his eyes.  
-You fuckin’ traitor, prepare to die!  
-WHAT?!

Grady was now rolling his eyes as well. In all of his career as a lawyer, he had never been in such a catastrophic situation.

-Okay, guys, I’m going to need you all to start from the very beginning!  
-Who THE FUCK ARE YOU, MUSTACHE GUY?!

One of the two newcomers spoke with a voice that sounded much too cheerful for someone holding a machine gun in a family diner:

-He’s Grady!  
-Yup, exactly. I’m Grady, from The Grady Method for Self Love.  
-Grady Method? What the fuck? Armitage said with a disgusted look on his face.

As if he momentarily forgot that he was threatened by a gun AND a sword, Stensland exclaimed:

-Exsqueeze me? You don’t know about the Grady Method for Self Love? Does your boss keep you in a cave or something?  
\- Excuse me, STENSLAND, but if his field is Self Love, I don’t think I need his guidance! I love myself quite enough, only LOSERS like you need people to teach them how to love themselves.  
-I mean, Armitage, Kylo interjected, I agree that Stensland is an idiot, but that Grady is quite the famous guy actually, so…  
-Yeah, the cheerful machine gun man insisted, He’s got his own show, too.  
-And his book is a best seller, Kylo added.  
-Could you PLEASE tell me what’s going on?  
-Well Mr Grady, the boss suspects Armitage Hux to be the traitor we’ve been tracking down these past few weeks.  
-Lars! Why the fuck are you…  
-It’s fine! He’s a lawyer! He’s great, Lars insisted.  
-I’M NOT A TRAITOR! 

The three gangsters stared at Armitage, then Stensland. They looked perplexed.

-Wait… what the fuck is that?  
-There are...two of them?  
-Which one of them is Armitage Hux?  
-I AM ARMITAGE HUX, growled Armitage.  
-Yes, yes. He’s Armitage Hux, Stensland whimpered.  
-Armitage Hux could say both of these things.  
-What?

At this point, Grady made a note to himself: _I’ll never make it in time for this afternoon’s planned book signing._

Kylo Ren grunted. 

-That’s fuckin’ ridiculous. Armitage is not a traitor. He can’t even talk back to the boss.  
-Yeah, well, maybe it’s just an elaborate scheme of his!  
-Elaborate scheme? Armitage huffed.  
-I’m surprised those words are a part of your vocabulary, Lars, scoffed the masked man.  
-You know what, Kylo Ren? With your smart mouth, I’m sure you’re a fuckin’ traitor as well!  
-At least you got something right. 

Armitage Hux gave Kylo Ren a surprised look.

-You didn’t come for Armitage. He’s not a traitor. You came for me.  
-Oh, that’s cute, mocked one of the gangsters, He’s trying to protect his girlfriend!  
-Y’know what? We should just shoot the two gingers and Kylo fuckin’ Ren.  
-Gentlemen, please! Don’t shoot anyone, advised Grady, I feel like everyone in this diner has a freakin’ gun in their pocket. If everyone dies, what good will that do? 

There were a few seconds of complete silence. Everyone was giving Grady’s words consideration. 

-I suggest you ALL put your weapons down so we can figure this out. Calmly. Then, you can take your business outside and deal with it the way you please… But there are people here, including me, who had planned to eat nachos without ending up in a bloodbath.  
-Amen to that, Grady, Stensland said.  
-You shut your mouth, Armitage growled.  
-Please, please, Grady said with the voice of a forgiving father. All of you...put your weapons down. 

Lars was the first to do so. He convinced his colleagues to imitate him. Even Kylo Ren and the waitress lady listened.

-I really need you to cooperate, son, Grady insisted, seeing that Hux hadn’t yet lowered his gun.

Hux eventually obeyed with a sigh. After this was ensured, Grady proceeded to clear the room of those uninvolved in the dispute. 

-Okay Lars, we have heard your point of view already, Grady said. You think that Armitage is a traitor, but Kylo Ren here said he IS the one you’re looking for. Is that correct, Ren?  
-Absolutely.  
-So, this is cleared up. Now, Armitage, what’s your issue with Stensland?

Armitage was still staring at Kylo. His face was not tense anymore, but he was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked like he ached after Ren’s revelation.

-No, Armitage said, Let’s not glide over that fact so soon, he said, What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Ren?

The masked knight remained silent.

-ANSWER ME!  
-I’m sick of the First Order. I’m starting my own thing.  
-Your OWN thing? What do you mean, your own thing? You barely know how to iron your clothes and you’re telling me you’re trying to outsmart the BOSS?  
-Seriously, Hux. Look at this shit (His boyfriend pointed at the three gangsters) Your so-called boss sent these three losers to take you down, and they can’t even tell the difference between you and Stensland who is THIS close to wetting his pants.  
-Hey, that’s not--Stensland began to defend himself.  
-To be honest, Hux DID have that same look on his face when HQ was overrun last year, Lars sneered.

His two friends chuckled and approved. Armitage turned red with both anger and embarrassment. 

-What I’m saying is… We’re worth more than them, Hux. We could do this. We could do this BETTER. 

Armitage shivered. For a moment, he felt flattered by Kylo’s words, but then he suspected it was all some trick.

-You don’t have what it takes, Ren. You’re a child.  
-So you’d rather put your trust in Snoke, who constantly drags you through the dirt? You want to go on chasing fuckin’ AMATEURS around the country for a man that terrifies you instead of ruling the city with a man that loves you?

Kylo and Hux were staring at each other like everyone around them had suddenly disappeared. The others were at loss, and their eyes jumped between every other person in the room. Stensland and Clyde locked eyes for a few seconds, which was enough to inject courage in the disheveled ginger’s veins. _Now’s my moment to shine_ , Stensland thought. His mouth ran wild again, rising above the grave silence:

-Anything that's worth anything is scary or dangerous in one way or another.

 

Somehow, this sentence spoke to Armitage and Clyde on a sentimental level. Meanwhile, the group of mafia thugs assumed that Stensland was sending an encrypted message against them. In response, all the members reached for their weapons at once, taking aim at their targets. Clyde jumped up then, running for Stensland and pushing him to the ground. The shooting started. His body pressed against the smaller man’s frame, closer than any shield. This was too unreal. Blindly, Stensland’s hands reached to dig into Clyde’s arms, holding tight. Both felt safe, anchoring him to sanity among the swirling commotion around them.


	5. And I can't help...

  
In the chaos and confusion, Stensland thought: _If I die today, that was a pretty kickass way to end it all._  
_I mean. My last words were a Dawson's creek's quote._  
_Check._  
_I witnessed someone endangering themselves to protect me._  
_Check._  
_Clyde didn't need to go through all that. Yet, here we are. Caught in a cross-fire, his body pressed against mine on the ground._  
The first shots startled Stensland, but soon his brain shut off. He couldn't hear anything and Clyde's hair was covering his face but the rest of his senses were there, overwhelming in their sole feedback. It smelled sour, and he could feel something wet and warm on Clyde’s arm, where his hands gripped tightly.

Eventually, his hearing returned and he could hear the conversation between the last people standing. The first voice was low:

-Are you okay?  
-You can't ask me that after the shit you pulled just now.

Stensland recognized this as Armitage’s voice. The other repeated sternly:

-Are. You. Okay ?

After a deep sigh, Armitage admitted,

-I’ve survived worse than those fools.

Stensland didn't know what to do, but not getting caught was a start. Pretending to be dead seemed to be the best option, considering Armitage’s apparent crusade against his life.

The two men sounded intimate, and as scary as they were to Stensland, his romantic heart could hear how deeply they cared for one another. He wasn't meant to hear this conversation but, then again, he wasn't meant to be in this crossfire either. Yet, it had all happened.

-Are you hiding anything else from me?  
-I'm not.  
-You better not be lying, Kylo Ren. Because you'll be more dead than my late father if I find out you lied to me again. And this time, unlike with my father, I'll handle it personally.  
-Sounds fuckin' hot.

There was a silence. They were most likely smiling to each other now. _Not a creepy, psychopathic smile_ , Stensland thought, as much as anything else was hard to imagine. Nonetheless, he heard it in their voices. He was glad their mood was improving―he saw it as a way out of his current troubles.  
He just hoped that they'd leave soon. He had more or less returned to his senses now, and Clyde's body wasn't getting any lighter. He had trouble breathing, especially in ways that wouldn’t make it too obvious.

Far away, the police sirens sounded like a murmur.

-We have to leave, the lowest voice said before leaving the diner in a hurry.

But Armitage Hux didn't follow him straight away. He rushed to Stensland's location and rummaged through Clyde’s pockets, retrieving his car keys. As he got back onto his feet, his eyes locked onto Stensland's. He threatened,

-You better pray that I do not run into you ever again.

Before Stensland could process what had even been said to him, the man had stomped away. Then, the sounds of a car and a motorcycle leaving. Stensland was near-fainting when the police arrived. Their yelling seemed so distant.

With Clyde’s body removed from atop him Stensland could breathe freely, yet every single breath he took was painful. The gasp he let out when he noticed that Clyde Logan was bleeding so severely felt like a hundred knives to his ribs.

They dragged them all outside on stretchers, where several ambulance cars had parked. People from the diner were testifying, reassured by paramedics. But Stensland didn't notice any of it. He didn't notice anything aside from the sight of Clyde unconscious.

***

The most uncomfortable silence had settled between Stensland and Jimmy Logan in the hospital’s waiting room. Clyde had ended up needing surgery to extract two bullets lodged in his arm and shoulder, and both anxiously awaited news on his condition.

They knew each other only through what Clyde had spoken of, and Jimmy couldn’t help but blame this stranger for his brother’s injury. He couldn’t shake the idea that Stensland was an evil manipulator, trying to get something out of Clyde’s good heart.  
Meanwhile, Stensland was on painkillers. He had broken ribs from the impact of Clyde’s body crushing against his, but the damage would have been much worse if the other hadn’t protected him in such a way. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Clyde had done for him. He was becoming more and more infatuated with the idea of Clyde going through all these perils just for his sake. The hopeless romantic was touched by this heroic gesture. Jimmy himself couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened between them.

-When did you meet Clyde?  
-Eer, uhm… I, I don’t...really know anymore… Few days ago?  
-And he caught a bullet for you after such a short amount of time?  
-Well, we… I guess It’s… Us?  
-What do you mean ‘it’s us’?  
-We have this...special something. I don’t know what he sees in me, but he’s been so kind and...

A smile settled on Stensland’s face as he sighed.

-He’s been so good to me, and I could never pay him back.  
-Would you do the same for Clyde?  
-Well, of course!  
-You’ll still have to prove that to me. I’m not Clyde, and I don’t know anything about your Special Something. All I see is that my little brother was shot for a guy he’s known less than a week.

No matter how hard he tried, Jimmy Logan couldn’t understand what his brother found so mesmerizing about this peculiar ginger mess in short pants.

When Clyde was finally out of surgery, they admitted him into a room. Jimmy was invited inside to sit and wait for him to wake up but Stensland was not permitted to follow for the moment, as he wasn’t family. Soon he was busy answering policemen armed with a whole lot of questions… but mostly a whole lot of assumptions.

No, I’m not Armitage Hux.  
I swear I’m not. I know him. A total looney that wants me dead.  
Why? Just a misunderstanding. He thought I had stolen something from him.  
A bag full of money, actually.  
My name? Stensland. Yes. S-T-E-N-S-L-A-N-D. No, It’s not a made-up name.  
If I can prove it with my ID card? Of course I… Wait, where’s my backpack?  
You know what? I hate my life. My backpack was in the car Armitage Hux left with.  
I know, I’m not too lucky with bags these days.  
No, I’m not messing with you guys, I swear.  
Don’t raise your voice like that, it’s not going to get you anywhere. And I’ll have you know, I had a tough week.  
Can I stop talking to you until my lawyer shows up?  
My lawyer? Grady. Uh-uh. From the method, yeah. I can prove it, we took a selfie together. Wait. Have you heard from him? Is he okay?

After few hours of this getting nowhere, Jimmy Logan showed up again and told Stensland:  
-He’s awake. He wants to talk to you.

***

The police officers followed Stensland into the room. Their questioning wasn’t over, just paused for the moment. That was good enough for Stensland: facing a Clyde with open eyes again lightened his heart.  
Clyde’s upper-arm and shoulder were covered in bandages. Stensland repressed the guilt he was feeling about this with bad humor:

-Are you telling me a ducky band-aid couldn’t do the trick?

Clyde gave a hearty laugh that made Stensland feel relieved at last.

-That was pretty wild, what you did out there, Stensland said.  
-You think so? You should see me when I’m in shape.  
-I can’t tell if you’re just bragging or if you are a natural bad boy under that niceness.

Stensland paused. Eventually, he dared.

-One thing that I can say is that you are very brave, Clyde. And… the nicest person I’ve ever met.

Clyde was embarrassed, as they weren’t exactly alone here. Stensland had already forgotten about their company, but he had not. However he sounded pretty serious, so Clyde tried to focus on just his words and ignore the heat coming to his cheeks.

-You know, It’s… funny. When I first met you, there was this whole...You know, misunderstanding with the bag, and… I mean… At first, I thought you were actually hitting on me.

Clyde was feeling more and more uncomfortable. It was weird enough to have this conversation with his brother; but now, with Stensland himself and in public, with cops watching… But Stensland didn’t give him any time to deny anything. He kept talking.

-And, I mean… after the time we spent together, I began to understand that it wasn’t the case, obviously. (Stensland gave a shy laugh) But you’ve been… quite adorable all this time and now I wish… I wish this could be love.

Stensland sat, obviously waiting for an answer to his stumbled confession. His beautiful green eyes were filled with tears, and his mouth was half-open as if daring to take it all back. He was expecting Clyde to say something. Anything. And that made Clyde feel so small.  
Two hearts were racing, their lips were trembling. They felt the same things, the same way. But none of them could possibly know that about one another.  
Flustered, Stensland spoke again to break the uncomfortable silence.

-I mean, the way you have protected me all this time, and the fact you’re so sweet and funny, obviously, I thought…  
-I’m not gay.

Stensland had an idea of how this conversation would end. This was one of the many possibilities he had considered. Still, he couldn’t have kept himself from hoping it might be different. Clyde Logan―Wild and Wonderful, delightfully unexpected. He had hoped to be surprised by him once again… but not like this. Not so that it hurt as fiercely as it did now in the aftermath.  
Stensland’s cheesy brain deplored the fact that the pain-killers in his system couldn’t ease a broken heart.  
He breathed in sharply to gain some composure, but his voice still broke when he answered:

-Okidoki.

Clyde’s anaesthetic was still altering his mental functions, but he felt the sharp blow of realizing how hurt Stensland was by this. He hated himself for being responsible for it. The officers, on the other hand, wished they could be anywhere but here, in this terse silence. They pretended to have a call to make and left the room to stand outside the door and wait for things to cool down.  
Clyde begged:

-Please, don’t cry.

But of course, Stensland was already sobbing.

***

No matter how dearly Stensland wanted to remain with Clyde as he recovered, he couldn’t stay at the hospital. And no matter how dearly Stensland wanted the police to believe Grady was his lawyer, that wasn’t true and everyone knew it. Without proper identification or a lawyer to defend him, Stensland had no other option but to allow the authorities to haul him to the station for more questioning.  
The police had been interrogating him all day now but they still weren’t satisfied with his vague answers. Now, night had settled and they couldn’t let him wander the hospital while Clyde’s recovered. Jimmy had been glad that Stensland left the hospital after Clyde fell asleep. He knew it would only agitate his brother, and that was the last thing he needed to deal with. _If the guy is clean, then he’ll be back before Clyde even realizes he’s gone_ , Jimmy thought.

The night was so calm. Too calm, after such an intense week. The police officers turned the radio on and switched through the channels. Stensland wasn’t really paying attention to anything, though he was looking out the car’s window. At least the stars looked pretty.  
_I wish Clyde was there_ , he thought.  
_I wish I hadn’t made a fool out of myself._  
As if the situation could not get any worse, the car’s radio decided to rub everything in Stensland’s face, as a soft song played:

_“And I can’t help_   
_Falling in love with-”_

The police officer switched the radio off. Loud sobbing could be heard from the back of the car.  
His colleague sighed:

-Nice job, Neil.  
-Wh―I didn’t do it on purpose, come on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnqfr-wxfsw  
> -Stensland sobbing intensifies-


	6. Sympathy for the Devil

Where is Stensland ?  
When is he gonna be back from the police station ?  
Is he back yet?  
Clyde's morning was full of interrogations.  
So was Stensland's.  
Who are you?  
Can you prove it?  
Can you prove you're not who we think you are ?  
How do you explain the tapes we have of you with that bag?  
Stensland's eyelids felt heavier than ever. He only realized he kept falling asleep when the policeman kicked the table, startling him awake again. This happened once again, and he whined:

-I don't know, I don't know anything, I'm just Stensland. I'm so tired, please, can I just go?  
-You'll go once you answer my questions.

His voice was filled with tears, like a child's: 

-But I diiiiid.

-That's not the truth and you know it.  
-Do I really look like a gangster to you? Please, I'm shaped like a damsel! 

The questioning was not the worst of it all. It was the heavy silence that followed his unsatisfactory answer that really made Stensland squirm in his seat. That's why he would often break the silence with anything he could think of. Most often, he asked about Clyde.  
Where is Clyde now? Is he out of the hospital ? How long has it been? How long have I been here? Can I at least talk to him on the phone? I must apologize to him. I have to tell him I didn't want to leave the hospital. And I have to tell him that I don't…

The police officer kicked the table again. Stensland startled, and the officer answered sarcastically:

\- My bad, I keep doing that. Totally not on purpose. So, what were you saying about the bag? Please focus.

Stensland didn't like this officer very much. The two others who had brought him to the station were nicer to him. They offered him water and talked to him normally, not like he was trash, like they were serving him the bad cop trope fantasy. Like this guy was.

***********************************************

Clyde didn't like the nurse in charge of him either. She wasn't very helpful, and she yelled at him every time she saw him wander outside his room. Worst of all, she wouldn't let him use a phone. 

-This is America, Land of The Free, and I don't get a damn phone call. This is prison all over again.

Jimmy nodded. He understood by now that Stensland’s disappearance was making his brother restless. He decided that the best he could do was help his brother get what he wanted, even if he still did not understand it.  
By the look on his face, Clyde knew that his brother was thinking of a plan. He waited for Jimmy to share it with him and followed when he signalled, carefully checking at every corner to ensure the torturous nurse wasn't around. They wandered the hospital's halls until they reached Grady's room. He was with a gorgeous blonde woman but Jimmy didn't pay her mind and continued to explain the situation Clyde and his friend had gotten themselves in.  
Grady instantly proposed his help to reach Stensland. Clyde let out a deep sigh of relief, louder than expected. The Lady--his wife, Jimmy assumed--tried to interject:

-You're not even fully healed yet, Grady! Rest before getting back to work.

Clyde, usually taciturn and shy at heart, couldn't help but argue:

\- It's... rather urgent, madam. 

He felt too terrible about the last conversation he had with Stensland. Guilt was eating him alive, twisting in his gut everytime he remembered that he had made Stensland shed tears.  
_He had those feelings for me and it freaked me out. But I didn't want to make him cry, and I didn't want him gone._

 

***********************************************

 

Meanwhile, the whole police station was at a loss. What were they to do with this one? Unable to prove anything about him, unable to do anything at all really before the feds arrived. This was too big for the county police to handle--even though some were still under the arrogant impression they could still draw out a proper confession.  
Stensland was still just trying to remember movies where the hero was cuffed to a chair. Most importantly, how they got out of it. But all he came up with was the realization he had been cuffed to a chair only a few days ago. 

__

If only Clyde could save my ass again.  
I’m so useless. A damsel, indeed. A damsel in distress.  
I’m a fuckin’ burden, am I not?  
I shouldn’t think that of myself, right?  
What did Grady say in the method?  
I don’t know. I can’t remember. Probably some clever line a doofus like me could never make up.  
But...  
What was this thing Clyde said in the diner…  
Something like… You won’t be safe on your own...Stick around for a while...

Clyde’s reassuring words made him feel better than any Self Love method. 

__

I should keep my head clear and fix this mess myself. 

But no matter how uplifting this resolution sounded, for now, the Fixing-this-myself part was limited to staying in this chair, and helplessly waiting for the feds.

***********************************************

Grady’s injury was less serious than Clyde’s, so he was allowed to leave sooner. But Clyde Logan had already broken out of prison once. What was one more escape? The hospital staff couldn't keep him caged here against his will. As Grady and his wife were checking out, Jimmy and Clyde rushed to the exit.

Once sure they had gone unnoticed, the youngest Logan brother felt free to retrace his steps back to the hospital gift shop. He knew that Grady had their back and that Stensland would be out today, so he needed to apologize properly for making him cry. From the short time Clyde spent with him, he was absolutely certain on what gift would please Stensland. After all, he was the one who had put a duck band aid on his prosthetic. Remembering that put a smile on Clyde's face as he paid for a rabbit plushie, complete with large floppy ears. 

 

Grady's wife drove the getaway car, looking none too pleased the entire time--but her cooperation said something about her loyalty. The tall men were cramped in the back. Clyde gave it no thought, however, for his heart was racing and his mind was preoccupied. He thought only of how quickly he needed to get to Stensland.

 

***********************************************

"Monty Schafer, FBI. Nice to meet you Stensland."  
Stensland's mouth gaped open.  
-You... You believe me? You know I’m not...  
-Of course I believe you. Anyone who has met the actual Armitage Hux can tell the difference.

Stensland laughed with relief. He felt like he had stepped one foot outside his troubles. Monty proceeded:

-However, with proper training, it could be really difficult to tell. A perfect illusion...

Saying that, he brushed Stensland's hair backward with rough fingers. Stensland double blinked at the man, clueless, and Monty just smiled and winked.

-That’s quite the story you told my colleagues, Stensland. Impressive, too. I would have never guessed you had this sense of wildness in you. With just a quick look at you, I would have never imagined you messing with criminals such as Armitage Hux.

Somehow, Stensland took it as a compliment and answered the bearded man with modesty:

-Well, I wasn’t really by myself, I was helped by Clyde. He did most of it, really.  
-Ah, yes. Clyde Logan. Atypical friend you have there, too. An ex-convict, if I’m not mistaken. 

That question was purely rhetorical. He was the kind of man who was never mistaken. 

-You do realize what serious consequences could follow with both of you having involvements with gang members. Though, with no previous criminal record, you’d be out of the danger zone in a blink. But Clyde’s case is more tricky, see. With his past and everything…

Stensland had no clue what Clyde Logan’s past was like. Anything prior to their first encounter was a mystery to him. The realization felt weird to him, considering his recent love confession to that very man. He was about to ask Monty Shafer about Clyde, but the man resumed talking:

-Let’s say - you’re quite lucky you found me at the end of your journey, boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♫ Pleased to meet you  
> Hope you guess my name  
> Ah, what's puzzling you  
> Is the nature of my game ~♫


	7. A light that never goes out

_Know this, Stensland. As long as you do as I say, I can assure your safety.  
Repeat after me: Monty Schafer knows what he’s doing._

Repeating after the man, Stensland was fighting back the remains of his anxiety. He had to believe these words, as they were the only way out of his troubles.  
He was doing it for himself. He was doing it for Clyde.  
Monty had made it quite clear: if he followed the plan, if he did as he said, they were both free to resume their lives as they pleased after the FBI caught the bad guys. It was the kind of deal he couldn’t turn down: they were both suspected for crimes directly linked to Armitage Hux and his peers, and Clyde already had a record. All he had to do was pretend to be Armitage for a short time.  
Stensland realized Monty Schafer hadn’t yet specified exactly how long “a short time” was, though.  
Stensland watched attentively as Monty uncuffed him, taking a long look at the other’s face.  
Another ginger. What was this, a trend? 

-Say, Monty… Wouldn’t you be a more decent Armitage Hux?  
-What’s that, Stensland?  
-I mean… If you just… shaved… You would make a good impersonation, I’m sure… Probably better than me.

Monty answered him with a bright smile:

-I’m sorry Stensland, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Monty got up and mussed Stensland’s hair. Stensland let out an exhausted giggle, shrugging.  
Oh, well…  
Nothing made sense anyway. He was so tired of running away. Now, he only wanted to get this over with.  
_I’ll do it for Clyde. I’ll do it for myself.  
Monty Schafer knows what he’s doing._

-Come on, Stensland. We have a long road ahead of us. We should get going. 

***********************************************

Clyde was anxiously listening to the conversation Grady was having with the authorities. All he wanted to hear was something along the lines of, “Stensland is okay,” “Stensland is free to go,” or “We’ll get him right now, you’re free to take him home.” But instead, everything he heard made Stensland’s fate sound more uncertain. 

Then, he finally saw him. He was cuffed, accompanied by three guys wearing FBI-labelled jackets. Clyde regarded them with suspicion, and the initial feeling of relief at seeing Stensland alive and well disappeared quickly, leaving him with rising tension once again.  
__  
Here comes more trouble...  
Any amount of foreboding could not completely tamper his need to be reunited with the ginger, and so Clyde rushed to Stensland, regardless… only to be stopped by one of the FBI agents.

-Nah, don’t sweat it, Summers. I’ll allow it. The kid’s had a tough time, let’em have it, Monty Schafer said in an even voice. He had been talking with Grady, but had interrupted their conversation to order it.

Stensland would have normally gone for a big hug, but the cuffs interfered and he knew Clyde would be uncomfortable with it. Instead, the two men faced each other and smiled awkwardly. They had wanted to be together again so bad that nothing could beat the dramatic scenes they had orchestrated in their own heads―not even when reality fulfilled their wishes. Clyde was even feeling too shy to offer him the plushie he had bought for him now, hiding it behind his back in the most unnatural way possible. 

-It’s good to see you, Stensland finally said, his voice shaking despite trying his best to control it.  
-Yeah.

Clyde sighed deeply. Then asked:

-So, you can come to my place as soon as the papers are filed, right?  
-Oh, no.

Clyde expression grew intense. This bad feeling was getting worse.

-What do you mean?  
-Don't worry, Clyde. I'll be free real soon, I just got a little thing to do.

He whispered to make sure only Clyde could hear. He didn't want to be perceived as immature by those Big Deal FBI agents. He sounded like a kid telling another that having divorced parents would surely get him double the presents. Now, if he had to make this analogy himself, he knew it’d be bullshit―when his own parents divorced he had received less presents from his mom and a book of coupons from his dad.  
Moral of the story: there was no way this new endeavor could lead him anywhere nice.

-I’m going undercover. Y’know, like in those spy movies. Then I’ll be free.  
-Undercover? Yeah, that doesn’t sound too great.  
-No, Clyde, don’t worry! It’s gonna be okay―you’ll see! I just have this little thing to do. Monty says I’ll be out in no time!  
-Monty?  
-Yeah? Monty answered, leaving Grady to approach them now.

The bearded man’s eyes moved across Clyde's body slowly, as if he were stripping him with his gaze. This served to piss off Clyde even more than what he was already holding against the man.

-You can’t get him in mo’ trouble.  
-Oh, I can’t? 

Monty looked amused.

-Don’t worry, Logan, we’ll give him back to you in no time. Unharmed. Deal?  
Clyde stared at the hand Monty Schafer was offering, then asked in a mumble:

-Can I come with him?

He looked like a shy kid asking permission for a sleepover.  
But this sleepover was an FBI secret mission to track down gangsters.  
And they had to be blindfolded on their way to this particular sleepover.

 

The darkness mixed with the sound of engines reminded Stensland of his time in Armitage’s trunk, and anxiety welled within him. This time, however, Clyde was sitting next to him, and that was certainly an improvement. He knew it was Clyde because he was larger than the other men accompanying them, and the figure had gently squeezed his shoulders against Stensland’s as he sat next to him, trying not to take up too much room. Stensland had also recognized the cool touch of his prosthesis as it brushed against his hand. A crazy, stupid idea ran through his head then, as they so often did. He extended his arm slowly―making sure the movement wouldn’t be too noticeable―until he could comfortably reach Clyde’s artificial palm. He then held it softly, relieved when he heard no protest from the other man. _He probably didn’t notice,_ he thought. _And that’s very good. Having a hand to hold is soothing in unsure times. It’s delusional, yeah but... story of my life._

***********************************************

 

Turning Stensland into Armitage wasn't only about the clothes, the accent, or the speech he will give to his men. Monty said that it was all about the attitude.  
And for that reason, Monty needed to harden Stensland and make sure he will not tear up at the slightest rising of a voice. As a starter, he asked his agents to face Stensland and stare without a word for an extended period of time. At first, Stensland would sweat and squirm in his chair under the pressurized eyes of the large men with gazes as dark as the night sky. They looked soul-less. They reminded him of bullies he once knew. Stensland’s eyes would always drift away from their faces to meet Clyde's soft and unguarded one... Until Monty's voice startled him, breaking the silence.  
-Don't look for Clyde. He won't be there during the real deal.

Stensland sighed and tried his best to focus without falling apart.

After a time, Monty grew bored and figured Stensland was ready for them to spice things up. Monty gave them a signal by raising his index finger. The men now recovered their voices and began trying to intimidate Stensland, this time not only with their deadly stares, but also with harsh words. One of them stood up, impassioned by the insults he threw at Stensland. Monty looked for a moment to settle his eyes on a sight much more interesting to him: Clyde’s reactions. He was frowning deeply. The muscles in his jaw tensed as he squared his jaw, and his posture appeared one second away from snapping. And all of that at the mere sight of a little bullying...

_He’s a big fuckin’ bodyguard sweetheart, huh?_

Before Monty got a chance to tease him about it, the word “faggot” was dropped in the room. And Clyde intervened. In the same breath, he bolted to the offending agent and pushed him, his voice threatening:

-Don’t call him that.

The act surprised his crowd. 

-What’s wrong with this guy, his opponent said, pushing him―or at least trying to, as Clyde did not move a muscle.

Stensland could feel the atmosphere turn tense, and Monty seemed to hold no desire to end the conflict any time soon, going by the smirk blooming on his face. Stensland tried to sound calm in an effort to prevent any bloodshed. 

-I’m sure he was just… playing pretend, Clyde, like… He didn’t mean it, y’know. Right?  
-How is this even relevant to anything? Clyde asked Monty.  
-Stensland is going to help us reach Armitage Hux’s network of contacts. He’ll take the role as Hux to get this information. We can expect them to confront him and use a certain line of vocabulary.  
-And use this word? C’mon. Stop messing around.  
-Don’t be so naive, sweetie, Monty scoffed, You’ve been to prison, you know how they talk to each other. It’s part of the act. Stensland gets it. He doesn’t take it personally. Right, Stensy? 

Meanwhile, Stensland was trying his best to look cool with it all and repel past memories of his bullies using that exact word. Stensland didn’t realize it, but Monty was the worst kind of bully himself. The friendly kind. The kind that pretended to be your friend to get something before selling your ass out. Of course, Stensland didn’t see that in him but Clyde was fully aware. Prison was filled with this treacherous kind. 

_Protect your own._  
At all costs.  
Stensland didn’t want to contradict anyone in this room. His wild week thus far suddenly seemed like nothing in comparison to what lay ahead. But Clyde did not appear afraid.

_Why is he never afraid?_

-Okay, Clyde. I understand it’s a sensitive matter to you. We’ll move on now, Monty said quietly with a smile, We’ll go grab something to drink. Whaddya say?

 

***********************************************

It had been two days since they had arrived at “mission headquarters” (as Stensland liked to call it), in preparation for Stensand’s mission. They had rooms of their own but they spent most of their time in the practice room. Now, Monty was taking them somewhere new. They went through a dramatically long corridor leading to an electronically locked door. On the other side, they were met with a spectacular view. It looked nothing like a government agency building anymore and more of an unnecessarily fancy villa with designer furniture. 

-Oh my god, is this where you live? Stensland remarked loudly, Where do I sign up?

Monty chuckled.

-It’s not where I live. Not all the time, anyway. This place is nice, though. And it comes in handy for my more unconventional operations.

That sounded shady as hell, especially from the mouth of a federal agent.  
The boys gave themselves a tour while Monty poured drinks.  
Next to the most comfortable couch in the history of couches (and the most expensive one Stensland ever sat on), he found a record player and proceeded to browse through its neighboring collection of records.

-Whoever chose these records is a man of taste, Stensland commented.  
-You’d have to congratulate my ex-fiance on that one. He was quite the cute little hipster, Monty answered, approaching with their glasses in hand.

Clyde didn’t understand why Monty smiled at him after uttering this statement, nor why he raised the glasses toward his direction first. Or more accurately, his brain refused to analyze the signals. He avoided the start of a panic attack by focusing on Stensland, who had selected a record. Then, he looked away and focused on the song that began to play.  
Monty returned his attention to Stensland, who was easily hung on the conversation.  
But when Stensland went to use the bathroom, Monty leaned against the table to attract Clyde’s gaze to his as something undoubtedly pressed against Clyde’s groin. Clyde was startled and glanced down quickly to see Monty’s shoe where it shouldn’t be. 

-There’s something you’re not telling me about you and Stensland, correct?  
-No, Clyde answered, his throat feeling tighter.  
-You sure? So it’s fine if I try my luck then, hm?

Clyde pushed the foot away and rose from his seat. His heart was pounding by surprise and anger. He hated this attitude Monty had, how he always needed to push Clyde’s buttons while donning this stupid smile like a medal. Monty said:

-It has come to my understanding that ‘faggot’ is a no-go. So, what about this… 

Monty took a dramatic deep breath before lowering his voice, looking straight into Clyde’s eyes:

-Clyde Logan, alone with you now in this room, I can only wonder one thing: how your skin tastes, and how you would moan with my hands gripping your hair, or your waist. My mouth going down on you in places you never suspected could feel so good...

Clyde felt the blood drain from his body at these words, leaving him as cold as a tomb. It was that fear again, taking control of him. As if millions of eyes were settling on him now, as if this conversation was being broadcasted live to the entire universe. 

-I’m not gay.  
-Oh, baby, I’ve heard that one before.

 

When Stensland came back, Clyde had already left the room. He was surprised, but he didn’t ask Monty what had happened because he understood the two were not the best of friends. They always had this tension between them. _Clyde is probably just distrustful toward him,_ he thought.

Monty and Stensland resumed training, without Clyde. It was just the two of them now, but Stensland felt calm.

-Okay, I’m gonna ask you to give me your best shot at Armitage Hux. Let’s see how you handle this, the bearded man said, sitting in the chair opposite his.

Stensland tried to remember drama class in high school. How to pretend you’re someone you’re not.  
What was Armitage? Angry, for sure.  
What could possibly make Stensland angry?  
Good shows getting cancelled, losing his keys in the storm drain (again), his cousin who reeked like bad cheese and told his mom where he hid his porn when he was thirteen.  
That seemed like perfect fuel to channel the angriest ginger alive.

***********************************************  
Monty had commented that his Armitage was a good start and lent him a few things to try on, including various clothes and hair products. Stensland tried them on as soon as he was alone. Checking his newly clothed figure out in the mirror, he noticed Monty had congratulated him with a gift as he slid his hand in the suit’s pant pocket.  
Weed was absolutely welcome. He felt like he hadn’t smoked in a while.  
What kind of agent was Monty Schafer, Stensland didn’t know. What he did know was he had access to some top-tier, mind-blowing product. 

_I’ll just smoke a little, to treat myself. Then I’ll check on Clyde._

As he smoked, sitting on his room’s balcony, Clyde seemed to have a similar plan for Stensland as he appeared at the doorway. At first, Clyde’s plan had been to talk to Stensland about what had happened while he was in the hospital, apologize, and maybe mention how weird Monty was… But he had completely forgotten that when he looked at Stensland now. He was surprised by the make over, of course. The hair seemed to change his whole face, especially.  
Stensland looked stunning, straight out of a fashion magazine. Not noticing Clyde's gaze on him, he also looked melancholic. Clyde wondered if he was sad again... Like that time in the car, before Clyde freaked him out on purpose by driving fast. Or that other time when he confessed and Clyde rejected him, maybe too harshly. He did cry, after all. As he moved onto the balcony, he was met with two surprises: it was more chilly outside than he anticipated. Second, Stensland was smiling at him in a way he―and anyone else, for that matter―had ever before. It felt like falling into a pit of ice water.  
He smiled back, just a bit. It was subtle. He then outstretched his arm to finally give him the plushie. Stensland loved it, he knew by the way he laughed, softly.

-Aww, he crooned.

Clyde took it as a permission to sit next to him.  
Stensland was not going to move on so soon from his gift. After all, he was pretty high. He was playing with the plushie, making it move its fluffy little arms. Stensland noticed Clyde was staring with a tender smile. He smiled back and pressed the bunny’s face against Clyde’s cheek, to pretend it was kissing it. That was as close to kissing the tall man Stensland could get right now. Clyde’s first instinct was to look around them and ensure no one saw that, but he realized it was a silly thought since they were in fact alone on this balcony.

Clyde did heard music playing in the distance. It made the moment feel like a scene from a movie. Clyde could imagine how it might look―Stensland and him, sitting quietly on a balcony accompanied by a Smiths record Monty was probably listening to in the other room. Clyde quickly cut the thought of Monty from this perfect moment.  
Monty was nothing like Stensland. He was not soft or cute, funny or awkward. He had never taken up a shy voice to tell Clyde “I wish this could be love.”

 

Deep inside, Clyde had accepted he would never let go of Stensland. Maybe this little dance on a minefield between them would never stop. Or maybe they would finally settle down at some point. Maybe Stensland would come live with him. He could see him, smoking whatever he was smoking, on the front porch of his house. He would show him all the beautiful places he knew of in West Virginia, and talk about his own childhood. One day, Stensland would understand every single one of his references, and he would laugh along with them whenever Jimmy and Clyde would make a private joke.  
Clyde could see all that happening in their future. It made sense to him, even though he was not the talkative type. He could see himself opening up if it were for Stensland. He felt safe. 

 

As both he and Stensland seemed caught up in their thoughts, Clyde took the moment to listen to the lyrics filtering in from the other room:

_Take me out tonight_  
Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care  
I don't care, I don't care  
Driving in your car  
I never never want to go home  
Because I haven't got one...  
Oh, I haven't got one  
And if a double-decker bus  
Crashes into us  
To die by your side  
Is such a heavenly way to die  
And if a ten-ton truck  
Kills the both of us  
To die by your side  
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine 

Clyde raised his eyebrows in surprise and commented:

-That’s some pretty intense shit.

Stensland laughed softly, letting smoke out of his mouth, then answered:

-Yeah, but, I mean. That’s… love. You’ve never felt like that towards anyone before?

Clyde shook his head. Stensland pouted in sympathy.

-I hope you do, someday.

They stayed outside and watched the sky go dark, until the stars were listening to the record alongside them. 

The weed had made Stensland sleepy, and Clyde’s shoulder proved too tempting. He rested his head there, and Clyde allowed it. He allowed it as he had allowed Stensland to hold his hand in the car, pretending he had not noticed but feeling his prosthesis shake slightly from anxiety that wasn’t his. He thought of Monty again and sighed. He just couldn’t believe someone could be so rude, so shameless. As if he thought Clyde would fall for such behavior. _No way_ , he thought. He looked over at Stensland, now fast asleep with a gaping mouth―a child with an adult haircut. He scoffed.

Clyde wasn’t gay. There was no way he was. But he admitted to himself: _if I were gay, I would fall for Stensland._


	8. This town ain’t big enough for the both of us

 

Stensland’s palms were already sweaty, and his day had only begun. These last few days had been fun, practicing his performance for his world debut as Armitage Hux. He was a natural now even though he was his complete opposite, his photo-negative. Armitage was living the life of an outlaw absolutely purposely. He had chosen to walk this dangerous road, when Stensland felt like Lady Destiny was playing Squash  with him as the ball.  

 

Playing pretend allowed him to feel secure about rising his voice: there was more chance to be listened to as Armitage than as Stensland. He wondered what made so much difference between them, staring at his own naked, frail body in the mirror. He figured that it was the flawless haircut, the dark fabric of his clothes and the lilt of his British accent that made Armitage seem like a Hollywood villain. Did Armitage Hux have messy hair when he woke up in the morning or was his hair always so rigid, in the same manner of a Lego figure? Did he have scars? Perhaps from his childhood, a fall off a bike?

 

Stensland’s mind had gone too far in this contemplation, and realized he should be taking a shower instead. That would balance him: the water falling would get all this anxiety off his shoulders. There, his hand moving below his waist, out of sheer habit, would do the rest. It was one of his few harmless habits.  He thought at least when he was masturbating, he wasn't getting himself into deeper troubles.

 

And yet, in some sense, he did.

 

He realized he probably shouldn’t have started this when his thoughts uncontrollably drifted to Clyde Logan, getting him harder and embarrassed.

 

 _“I’m not gay”_ , Clyde had once said. So Stensland should spare himself a double-heartbreak, he shouldn’t even be thinking of him this way. He knew himself. He knew it would only keep his hopes up. But, eh... It’s not as if he could stop now, anyways. That would be far too depressing, especially in preparation for such an important day. He was getting ready to impersonate a criminal in a undercover mission that could go terribly wrong if he made any mistake.

 

 _Might as well have an enjoyable moment, in case it’s the last,_ He thought, _No matter what I start imagining, it will never happen outside my head. Let it happen there, in the secret of this shower cabin. Me, and my Imaginary Boyfriend Clyde Logan._

 

He could have pictured anything in this fantasy. Clyde and he could have been dressed like young, successful business men until they undress to make love on the plushest carpet next to the warm glow of a fireplace.  After all, Stensland has always been ambitious and quite keen on detail. He could have imagined a dramatic scene of love sealed on a bed covered with roses petals but instead, he pictured them on the same balcony Clyde had let him rest his head on his shoulder.

 

He was recreating this scene the way he had wanted it to turn out. He craved the concrete cold of this balcony, so he could escape nestled against Clyde’s warm chest, wrapped in Clyde’s hot kisses. This time he did not wish for the fake fancies he usually wished for himself: he knew he was not an Armitage Hux. He was not smart nor rich, he was just a simple Irish boy that never had any luck with love. One who delighted himself with simple acts of acceptance such as holding hands or resting on the shoulder of the man he loved after a stressful day.

 

Of course, in this particular moment under the shower, his repeated strokes made Stensland greedy for more than what he actually thought the shy, Not-Gay-Clyde could give him. He imagined being carried around by those big arms, being as vulnerable and whiny as he wished. _This is so good, this is so beautiful, more, give me more_. His cheeks were covered with tears, both in the fantasy and in reality. Clyde looked worried, and Stensland assured him “No, don’t worry, It’s just so beautiful, It’s just exactly what I want.” And Clyde smiled, rubbing his nose against his, then he put him down, and he himself went down, down…

 

Their fantasy-selves were free to taste the delight of each other's skin and melt into one trembling, shivering, sweating entity, spurned from the chill of evening air and the pleasure shocks running below.

 

A song was playing, of course.  It seemed that  a song was always playing for them. It was  probably a song  playing downstairs,  in real life,  on Monty’s record player.    But now it was theirs,  and it was true. As their hands intertwined, as their lips met again, as they both drew breath in deep sighs the song said:

 

 _Dream, dream, dream_   
_When I want you in my arms_   
_When I want you and all your charms_   
_Whenever I want you, all I have to do is_   
_Dream, dream, dream_   
_When I feel blue in the night_   
_And I need you to hold me tight_   
_Whenever I want you, all I have to do is_   
_Dream_   
_I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine_   
_Anytime night or day_   
_Only trouble is, gee whiz_ _  
_ I'm dreamin' my life away

  
  
  


Clyde’s whole body tensed at the critical point, and he moaned as soon as he was unburdened of this sinful, guilty pleasure. He cleaned his hand quickly, as if getting rid of the evidence of a crime.

 

He had taken pleasure picturing himself and Stensland together. The shame he felt now was real, and the former was not. He blamed himself,  he didn't understand himself anymore.  He wondered  if that night  on the balcony had irreparably  changed something inside of him. Maybe it started when he allowed himself to  think such foolish things as “if I were gay, I would fall for Stensland.” He wondered if he was already contaminated by this idea.  It was freaking him out.  He didn't want to be.

 

He remembered something of his childhood he had long forgotten,  just a small little detail, most likely with small importance.  Not a trauma,  not a hit in the head.

 

A small rock in a shoe. Guys from his school he spent time with,  looking at girls, joking around.  Boys being boys.  He was with them,  but he was feeling left out in this situation.  He remained quiet because he thought there was nothing he could say that wouldn't sound stupid. He had nothing to say about these girls. He didn’t think they were special or attractive in any way, in fact he couldn't care less about them. He had no sense of belonging.  Little Rock in a shoe. Then, this question rang  to his ears.

“ Would you rather be a fag or die?”  

It was a question asked to the whole band by their chief. There was no threat in his voice. None of the boys pondered , they already had the answer figured out as there could be only one good answer:  I'd rather die than be gay.

_I'd rather die than be gay._

 

That's when Clyde learned how people felt about boys who like boys.  When all these so-called  childhood friends  turned to him and he answered that he'd rather die too,  when he promised to himself he would never ever _be a fag_.  And based on everything he has heard over the years growing up about what happened to fags, he had always thought that was the right thing to do.

What was he thinking about this, now, though?

 

Because he had run into Stensland,  who told him that he wished this thing between them, this warmth, could turn out to be love. And now Clyde was confused and his heart was beating fast and his head hurt. There was the voice in his head,  complaining: “ _There you go, you're overthinking everything again.“_ This voice was his brother’s,  teasing him “ _Your brain was not meant to think that much, so stop! This is not a big deal, he loves you, you love him…”_

 

_He loves me, and I… Maybe I love him._

 

 Clyde shook his head:  enough with all that. Monty had just called them. Soon they would have to go.

 

Indeed,  on their last preparation day, Clyde told Monty that his opinion on the matter didn't mean anything to him and that he would accompany Stensland whether he like it or not. In revenge, Monty declared that he would allow it if Clyde promised he’d be invited to the wedding. This didn't amuse Clyde. Monty told him to shave his facial hair in the morning:  in their scheme, Clyde would get the role of Kylo Ren,  Armitage Hux’s boyfriend and bodyguard. “ Something that is already in your range.” Monty added.”But please, honey, do remain silent. Don't get me wrong,  this accent  thing is adorable but in this context it will just kill the whole vibe.”

 

Stensland and Clyde were all dressed up, and they looked great. Stensland had gotten rid of the last remnant of his old self. He wasn't feeling anxious, at least not as much as he had been during the weeklong preparations. It probably meant that he was ready.

 

He found the best method to get around his fears was remembering the peaceful evening he had spent with Clyde on the balcony. He had never felt such peace before, but with just a taste of it he knew he wanted to feel it for the rest of his life. To earn this happiness he had to play the badass, so bring it on!

 

When Clyde joined them downstairs,  Monty had just finished equipping Stensland with a gun (just in case) and a cell phone equipped with a mic that would record all their conversations. This way, Monty could observe from afar and ensure everything was going the way he intended to. Clyde received one too, alongside an annoying smirk from Monty.

 

Stensland could feel that Clyde was pissed about something again, probably Monty. Unless Clyde was mad about something he had done high the other night, something he couldn't remember. He couldn't let the paranoia this gave him get the best of him in such perilous times, however, so he decided to ask Clyde himself as soon as they were alone in the car.

 

-If I offended you in any way you’d tell me right?  
-It's not you, it's that Monty guy. ‘hate him.

 

Both of them had already forgotten that Monty was still listening. Stensland gave him an uneasy smile, as Clyde started the car.

 

\- You look so weird without your beard.  And younger.

-Yeah I hate it. I feel naked.

 

They were on the road again, heading to the rendezvous point. It was pretty far,  so one of them decided to turn on the radio. They couldn't remember which one did,  but it didn't matter. They were on the road again, just the two of them. Stensland  heard Clyde humming the song that was playing. He smiled at this and thought it would most likely be the last time he would get to be his own goofy self, at least for today. Singing louder than Clyde became the only option. After that, even Clyde was smiling.

 

 _This should go on forever_ ,   they both thought,   _Minus the gangster activities. Just two idiots on the road._

 

Stensland smiled so bright. Clyde was looking at him in a manner that he had never encountered. He usually felt uncomfortable with people staring at him, but now it was pleasant. _If it feels right, then it must be…. Right?_

That thought was scary, and yet repressing it was torture. Now he knew why all these feelings had such a violent lexicon.

  
Falling in love, like falling from the top of a building, ending up into a mass a flesh and blood on the floor.  A crush, like a car carcass that is decimated by an hydraulic press, losing all prior shape. He could feel this same crushing, forever-altering feeling in his chest.

  
And somehow he could feel it inside Stensland's as well. He knew the man still had in mind his rejection from not so long ago. _I broke his spirit, his heart, I had him break into thousand of tears, and that was soul wrecking to me as well. I should tell Stensland about the changes into my heart. Just an update. And this would be a perfect moment,_ he thought, still forgetting there was a quirky FBI agent still listening on the other side of their phones.

 

To Clyde, it was only Stensland and him, on the road again. Two friends. Clyde knew it was only up to him to make them more than that.

  


Be a fag or be a corpse.

  


_You know what? Screw those kids. What do they know? How can they still scare me? I’m a fuckin’ grown up. I drove carelessly. I got into fights with men twice their sizes. I went to prison once. I was under crossfires once, too. I fired guns. They have nothing on me._

 

_Go ahead, Jacob and Ethan, and stupid Colton too! Try and make fun of me now, why should I care? Why should I imprison myself in a cage that doesn’t even fit my size anymore?_

_What would happen, if I allowed myself to act like a fag, just once? If I was brave enough to kiss him? Will I feel something for once? Is it so dangerous to feel, that I have no problem planning a robbery, but I feel like my heart is gonna drop whenever I wonder what people will think about me being in love with another man?_

 

But how could Clyde Logan admit that at loud?

 

_Stensland. I’m starting to feel things for you. I think._

_We’ve come a long way, you and I. It’s scary, but maybe scary can be good, sometimes. Scary for a while is better than sad forever. I guess._

 

His lips and throat were dry. Clyde had decided to be brave and talk to Stensland anyways. He was ready to go.

 

Of course this happened before another car began tailgating them, bumping repeatedly against their rearend. Stensland cursed twice:  the first time was too natural, like himself. The second time was a correction: trying his best at Armitage’s  British accent, though he was still bad at improvising under stress despite all their training. He realised he had just given a performance that was more _Maggie Smith meets Pulp Fiction_ and thought “ Monty is gonna kill me,” and soon after, “oh, that's right, Monty!”

 

This was not Monty’s plan, surely, since Monty had given them a place to go to and not be interrupted in the process. He grabbed for his phone while Clyde attempted to flee from their attackers, increasing the speed of their vehicle and swerving out of the other car’s reach.

 

\- Monty, what's going on?  Who are they and what do they want? Can you check? Pretty please?

 

Stensland was not so confident about Monty’s ability to do so but in  every movie involving spies there was always a guy on a computer you could contact to gain information. Monty had tapped their phones to be able to listen,  but he never mentioned anything about being able to actually answer them. Despair caught Stensland quickly, and their opponents were close as well. Stensland reached for his gun and opened the window, determined to protect their asses no matter what. He took a deep breath.  

 

“Remember Grady's method, Stensy?  We all got what it takes to become a big beautiful condor. You are a badass. You are Armitage Hux.” He muttered to himself “Big beautiful condor, big beautiful condor,” he turned to Clyde:

 

-Hold on to me.

-What?

 

Before Clyde knew,  Stensland had already gotten half his body out of the window, sitting on the sill. Clyde reached for him quickly and caught the back of his pants to make sure he wouldn't fall from the window. A distressed Clyde, still keeping an eye on the road, yelled:

 

\- Get back here before you get killed!

 

But his voice was covered by gun shots from Stensland and the crazy guys in the car behind them. He pulled Stensland back in with a sharp tug and screamed:

 

\- Are you out of your fucking mind? Is this how I lose you?

 

This display of raw emotion from Clyde touched Stensland, but mostly, he realized just how serious this situation was. They hadn’t yet reached the rendezvous point and he was already filled with regrets. It was much easier back when they were playing pretend. Tears sprouted from Stensland’s eyes, a stark contrast against his fine black suit and the gun shaking in his hands.

 

-This was a mistake, Clyde, all of it was a mistake. We can't do this, I can't do this!

 

That was the last thing Clyde heard.  The car lurched forward as it was bumped once more, before he lost control of the wheel and they crashed with a dreadful sound.

 

***********************************************

 

Phasma raised her eyebrows in contemplation of the surreal scene taking place in front of her. In a way, she felt relieved. When she had first received an update from Snoke telling everyone his informant had found Armitage Hux and Kylo Ren, men were pursuing, and later, as the entire gang was ordered to gather after they had successfully caught the two traitors in a car crash, she had prepared to see her best friend killed in front of her as a punishment for treason.

 

Now, though, she knew that was all for naught. She was not fooled by this performance in front of her, and that was not Hux or Kylo. Phasma knew it for a fact because 1) She knew Armitage growing up and was confident in the fact she could spot him in a room full of clones, 2) She had just left them an hour ago and they weren’t dressed like that and 3) She was quite sure on their current whereabouts as she had just checked through an app on her phone.

  
Nevertheless, she was appreciative of the efforts put into the ruse. To anyone else in this room, their disguises did the trick. For all the knew, the two traitors were back and subject to an infuriated Snoke. The false Kylo, in particular, looked just as stupid as the actual one, and  silent like a tomb. Though, she admitted he lacked the constant threat of violence in his look. This “Kylo” was like a big plush that would go "squeeeeee" when pressed on

.

The impersonators were now having the worst moment of their lives, most likely.   
Phasma had a courtside seat to see this strange act she had decided to go along with. She proceeded to entertain herself by sneakily recording a video of the ordeal, thinking Armitage would be interested later, to say the least.   


 

***********************************************

  
-I’m telling you, she knows.   
-You’re just being paranoid. And if you keep staring at her like that, no wonder she is staring back at you.   
  
Armitage Hux pinches his lips together in a grimace. He is still staring at the waitress, of course. He is sure she is one of Snoke’s undercover agents. She knows who they are and she is going to make a full report as soon as they leave. The only thing that distracts Armitage’s attention away from his paranoid theories is the loud sound of Kylo slurping down his milkshake, making sure the straw catches even the smallest bubble.   
  
-You’re a fuckin’ child and I hate you, Armitage whispers angrily.   
-Is everything okay, sirs? Would you like to order something else?   
  
Armitage had been startled by the voice of the waitress suddenly on his left. How did she get here so quietly? She must be a spy. She has been trained since childhood to be quieter than her own shadow. He makes a show of looking at her nametag, wanting a name to this nuisance, wanting to make a point.   
  
-Absolutely not, Victoria, if that’s your real name…   
-Actually, I’d love another milkshake, Kylo said.   
  
Kylo was smiling like a big idiot, teeth and all. Armitage rolled his eyes.

 

-How can you even drink this shit? It’s inhuman.

-You’re inhuman, Kylo argued.

 

Armitage heard his phone ring. He reached for it and saw it was an attachment from Phasma. Upon looking at it, his eyebrows raised high to the sky. In another second, he was quickly fastening his coat and leaving the booth,

 

-We need to hit the road NOW. We have a big opportunity and there is no way I’m missing it because you are trying to use your charms on that Victoria for disgusting Caramel Popcorn Milkshakes.

 

Before Kylo even processed the end of the sentence, Armitage was gone.

He gave a sad glance to their waitress who was holding a fresh shake refill, and ran out with quick strides to follow his boyfriend.

  


***********************************************

 

If Stensland remembered correctly, Monty had mentioned a "Mr. Big.” A few weeks ago, he would have never guessed that Mr. Big was anything other than a pornstar’s name. In reality, Mr. Big was a name he gave to sting operations involving an agent bragging about criminal activities he was supposedly involved in to inspire actual outlaws to confess to their own acts.  
  
With his head forcefully pressed to the ground, Stensland knew that this was definitely NOT a “Mr. Big” operation, but rather a Mr. Little--maybe?

 

He remembered Monty's smile when Stensland had asked him why Monty himself couldn’t impersonate Armitage Hux in this. Now, thrown against the floor, his face bloody and swollen from all the other blows, he knew: Monty didn't need a gangster.

 

He needed a scapegoat. Someone to pay for Armitage's crimes and face the big scary boss to collect as much information as possible. Monty was not going to come to the rescue. He would remain awfully silent as they were beaten to hell and back as they were interrogated about things they could not answer. Stensland as Armitage was the bait to get into the bad guys’ hideout, and his death was a motive for the gang’s incarceration.   
  
That made so much more sense, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming.

 

Stensland had long forgotten how to act like Armitage, he was far too scared by the emaciated figure of their boss in front of him. His voice made all the hairs rise on his body and not in a good,  Clyde Logan way.  He felt like his act did not even matter anymore: the old man expected him to be scared.  

 

Stensland asked himself again what it was like to be Armitage Hux. Was he used to being treated this way? Is that why he was so angry all the time? Stensland thought of abused kids turning around and making the lives of their surroundings a living hell--was that what Hux was doing?

Sure Stensland, now was the perfect moment for a psychoanalysis of your  sorta-nemesis.

 

On the other hand, he could barely follow what the old man was saying to him.  It was like a private joke, but with references to past crimes.  He turned his face  to look at  Clyde,  a far more enjoyable view  to die to. His beautiful, caring and lovely Clyde Logan.  Will they meet in the next life?  Will they have better luck?

 

Their eyes met. Both of them thought: I'm going to die in some damp underground hole next to the man I love.

 

Clyde was struck,  thinking that it took him so much time to admit that to himself and now he was running out of time to confess the same to Stensland. Logan Curse. He felt stupider than ever.

  
The mummy-looking guy was still doing his intimidating speech thing, sometimes interrupting himself to ask one of his Men to give them a punch in the face or a kick to the stomach to keep them focused.  They were dizzy now, saying goodbye to each other in silence and sad eyes.

 

They were left with mere fantasies. That was fine: that's all they had to begin with, all of their lives.

  
There were so many things Stensland had wanted to do with his Special One: walk the streets of Paris while holding hands, dress up for Halloween in cheesy couple costumes, raise kids in a suburban house with a pool and a slide…

 

If only Clyde Logan had wanted him  that way.

 

But there were so many things Clyde Logan had wanted to do, too: take them to car races with his family, spend their holidays in a cabin in the woods and show off his kick-ass survival skills, raise kids in a suburban house with a pool and a slide…

 

Would have they ever gotten to that point, the two of them? Perhaps step by step, with a very an approach as delicate as approaching a wild bird. But they would never know because, at this point, they did not have the time.

 

-Good evening, Supreme Leader, an accented voice said behind them.

 

Someone was buying time for them.

 

Supreme Leader Snoke was so sure he was free from the threat of his old  henchmen. He had not expected to see double, to see them by the door at the same moment they were beaten on the ground.

 

Stensland and Clyde were waking from their dream, startled by the screaming voice of the old boss:

 

-What?? How is... Take them down! TAKE THEM ALL DOWN!

 

Clyde turned to see Armitage Hux and his sword-wielding hound.

 

He feared for Stensland,  but it was not his first shootout--a strange thought to get used to. They both ducked down and crawled out of shooting range. The gang members had to figure out their side quicker than Kylo Ren could cut them down. Like in action movies, Kylo seemed to be dancing as he slashed his enemies in wide, graceful arcs. The ones ready to bow to him, Armitage, and their new order, or perhaps just those not yet ready to die, began shooting at the others to prove their  true allegiance. A tall, blonde woman joined Armitage’s side, proving a formidable force. It was not long that the victor was decided, after that.

 

An empire, built on decades, falling down because two sets of men looked the same.

The shooting stopped into a deathly silence. Armitage walked towards the Supreme Leader, now lying in a pool of blood at Kylo’s feet, wheezing from the holes in his chest and throat. Both men looked down at him.

 

-Way too easy.

-I taught you everything. You were nothing, and you’ll always be nothing!

-Do you hear something, Kylo? Strange…

 

Armitage poked the old man’s head with the tip of his boot.

 

-I thought I heard the buzzing sound of an insect.

 

By the end of this sentence, he frantically stamped on the dying man’s head, crushing his bones and shutting him up forever. He sighed with a smile in his voice, as one does when satisfied he has finished the chores.

 

-Man, it feels good to be the supreme leader.

-When did we decide that you were taking over, and not me? Kylo asked, cleaning the blade of his sword.

-Oh, sure, if you want to occupy the throne single.

-Oh, I see.

 

Armitage shook his head, jaded. He wondered if there was a version of this universe where Kylo wasn’t his own submissive dog, a version where he would be gifted with a strong personality, then he thought to himself than the belief that there was different universe, along with the people that believed in it, were utterly stupid anyways. (His words, not mine. Anyways, what did he know? He's only in one of these universes....And clearly not the cleverest one...)

 

-Is Kylo the first Lady or am I? Phasma joked.

 

Clyde whispered to Stensland, who was shaken by the last few hours.

 

-Are you okay?

-I’m good. I think?

-Ah, right, you two, Armitage sighed as he uncuffed them both.

 

-I told you to never get in my way again, didn’t I? Though, I suppose for the first time in your lives, you’ve been helpful. Congratulations on that. I assume you are here thanks to Monty Schafer, hm?

 

The fact that someone like Armitage Hux knew of the man was enough for Clyde to understand that they had even more to fear from Monty than previously predicted. Armitage briefly checked them for hidden mics, scoffing when he took a moment to appraise Stensland’s appearance.

 

-Poor thing. You look terrible (He pinched the other ginger’s suit’s fabric to feel the texture) It’s italian, right? Even in italian suits, you’re a mess. (He sighed) But consider yourself a living mess.

 

-Our cell phones were tapped, but they were left in our car when we crashed, Clyde stated.

 

-Schafer knows where you are, anyways. Trust me, Armitage argued.

 

-Was he, like...involved in all this?

 

Stensland didn’t get an answer to his question as Armitage moved onto a new topic:

-You’ve done your part today. It’s definitely nothing compared to the money you stole from me, but I can’t expect a loser like you to do any better.

 

-Thank...you?

 

-Do you get it? You’re free to go. Your debt is paid. For now. But I don’t want to see the likes of you ever again. And I mean it.

 

-What does that mean?

-It means that you’re leaving this city tonight and if I ever see you again I’ll peel off your ears and serve them for you to eat. Is that clear?  

 

-C-Crystal clear, Supreme Leader, Stensland stuttered.

 

-Leave before Monty Schafer gets here, Armitage noted.

Clyde helped Stensland up. His frail body was not made for the severe beating it endured, so Clyde let him lean on him as they walked. Clyde secured an arm around his middle to make sure he wouldn’t fall. As they were making their way to the door, Stensland stopped and tried his luck:

 

-Well, we don’t have phones and, uh… So… I was thinking… Maybe you could call us an Uber…?

 

-Get the fuck out of here before I get the chainsaw, Armitage Hux growled.

 

-Well, I tried! Good evening to you, sirs, Stensland tried to greet them with fake bravado, but his shaking voice betrayed him, and they both walked faster.


End file.
